She arrived at community movie night in the park with her two small boys. Grappling with a load of blankets, lugging the cart, strollers, and everything else, she pushed down her feelings of jealousy. As usual, she ignored the families all around them with two parents wrangling the kids together. If only her boys had a dad who could be the family champion.
“It was always a source of shame and pain for me for me,” media guru Sandra Beck explained of the dread inspired by gatherings immediately after her divorce.
The Dilemmas of Divorce
Oh, the dilemmas arising after divorce. Forlorn, she felt the loss of a spouse when she arrived at restaurants with tables for four. Who would watch one child, while she rode the roller coaster with the other? Should she invite a guy to her annual Christmas party?
The Family Champion
Often, I hear single moms fret about good role models for their sons. On the other hand, Sandra’s love for military families translated to good role models surrounding her boys. Still, in my opinion, nothing replaces a courageous mom. In fact, the family champion can be Mom. Since Sandra’s boys growing up into enterprising, intentional young men, I asked her to share her favorite advice on Fireside Talk Radio recently. She gave some funny and insightful tips.
How to Be Your Family’s Champion
#1 Look around for unhappy couples, she says with a chuckle. There’s no better way to appreciate your own freedom than to realize how exhausting marriages can be.
#2 Separate private and professional life. Going on dates causes too much speculation, she says.
#3 Keep in mind, gender rolls blur for young people now. Consequently, she asks specific male friends to teach her boys, too, whenever they teach their own sons to use power tools, ride a dirt bike, or anything else that might be traditionally defined as a manly skill.
“You don’t have to be the dad. These other dads are so filled with pride when you choose them to stand in,” says Sandra. Personally, I love the way she divides up these specific requests among many families. This frees up families to say yes enthusiastically to specific help.
Most Importantly: Teach Discernment
#4 Ask your boys what they admire in other men, thus teaching them to be on the alert for male qualities they most want to emulate.
She also shared some practical wisdom on how the church can up the ante when it comes to helping those who’ve gone through divorce. For more, look for Single and Strong: How to be Your Family’s Champion with Sandra Beck or Single and Strong: When is Enough Enough with Sandra Beck on CathyKrafve.com.
Sandra tells the truth with vulnerability and tenderness. No matter our circumstances, when we choose to be our family’s champion, we see strength manifest itself in our children.
May I pray for you?
Good Father in heaven, our hearts yearn for a wholesome relationship with You. You offer to fill the holes in our hearts where earthly parents inevitably fail us. More importantly, as a parent, we yearn for our children to know they are loved and cherished. We want them to understand who You created them to be and to dwell in their identity with purpose and confidence. Grant us now, O Lord, the wisdom we need to be parents who honor You by being champions for our family. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
I love to hear from you!
What have you done to get the help you needed for your children along the way? What have others done (big or small things) that really blessed your family?
Cathy Krafve, Texas Author, Columnist, Speaker, and Radio Host, focusing on fellowship in Christian Marriage and Family, invites your stories, ideas, and questions at CathyKrafve.com. Truth with a Texas Twang.