Why would a good God design shame to divide? That’s the question I kept asking myself. If God is good and He invented shame, shame must have a good purpose. I figured shame must fuel a change of habits. But, imagine my surprise when I recognized shame is supposed to divide us, too.
Today, we take on Question #3: Why would a good God design shame to divide?
Short video here. Nope? If it didn’t embed properly, click on my picture to the right.
The following is a part of my Shame Reboot Series. This is from Lesson 1, Shame: the Great Divide. If I can serve you, your church, or your business by presenting this info in person or via zoom, please contact me.
If you missed last week’s blog, here are the questions about shame and division we covered last week —
- Question #1 What’s the purpose of shame?
- Question #2 What does shame look like?
Why would a good God design shame to divide? Because He loves us.
Shame is meant to divide us from following after evil. God wants us to unite with Him. Because He loves us. And He knew we would be in danger.
But what is evil? One way to understand evil is to take a look at idolatry. Idolatry sounds like a church-y word, but stick with me.
Yes, idolatry existed in Old Testament times, but idolatry is still banging around in our culture today. How did the Old Testament writers describe idolatry?
Let’s imagine a party happening this Friday night. Not hard to imagine, since we called parties in fields “keg parties,” back when I was a kid. Do teenagers still have keggers? Bored small town teenagers looking for an excuse to hang out with friends. Imagine worse. Idolatry is far more extreme than the basic keggers we had.
Idolatry: Imagine Worse
Next to a field near the party, there’s a beautiful grove that has been meticulously manicured. People have spent a ton of money to cultivate it. It’s like the arches in a wedding, but permanent. They’ve even set up a gorgeous, fancy park with marble statues. In the middle of the park is a huge table, made of stone, and it’s going to be covered with mountains of delicious food. People will be drinking lots of alcohol. Things will happen there that are unspeakable, unthinkable. Things we do not want to say out loud anywhere, especially in church.
The fanciest china and crystal will be used. In fact, these people are so much “fun” that anything that sounds pleasurable, is allowed for the evening. You know the kind of party I mean because we’ve been reading about all kinds of debauchery in Hollywood and on private islands.
Idolatry = Death
In the case of idol worship described in the Old Testament, at the end of the evening someone will pay for the fun. They will clear the table and sacrifices will be made. Someone will die, often a child. But don’t worry, it won’t be you. This time.
This is a mild version of what was happening as the pagans surrounded Israel with idol worship; a description I can barely speak about in church. The reality was so much worse.
Modern Idolatry vs Our Good God
The descriptions we read in the Old Testament of idolatry rituals in the high places and groves sound a lot like “parties” or “festivals” we might hear about today.
Licentiousness, self-indulgence, violence and all the demonic destruction associated with idolatry is toxic. Sometimes, we don’t connect the fact that sex-trafficking today, for instance, is a deadly parallel to the accounts of idolatrous practices in the Old Testament. Plus, the fall out from idolatry often meant death to others, in particular young children. Sound familiar?
When the Old Testament mentions “groves,” all the above and much worse was done in the name of pagan gods. Those “gods” have existed since some of the angels rebelled against the one true God (Revelation 12:7ff). The Bible labels them as demons (Luke 4:35ff). The demons try to exalt themselves over God for the time being. Demons have been worshiped throughout human history with various names in various recurring mythologies, but always with the same destructive, rebellious, death-craving passion.
Idolatry and Self-Destruction
We still see in our culture today that such behaviors and attitudes are self-destructive.
When I traced the word shame throughout the Old Testament, I was amazed how often shame is associated with idolatry. Here’s just one example from one of our good God’s Old Testament prophets.
“Who would form a god or mold an image that profits him nothing? Surely all his companions would be ashamed; and the workmen, they are mere men. Let them all be gathered together, let them stand up; yet they shall fear, they shall be ashamed together.” ~Isaiah 44:10-11
Shame Divides, But Our Good God Reunites
We feel shame when we do selfish, self-rejecting, or self-destructive things. Shame is supposed to heal us. We are supposed to feel shame before we go off the deep end of debauchery and death.
Just to be clear, I have more personal experience with shame than I ever wanted. If you think I’m being self-righteous as I talk about evil and sin, just search some of my website for my personal history, which I share openly.
God meant for shame to divide us from the self-destructive evil that makes us feel ashamed, especially anything that separates us from Him. Why does God let shame divide us? Because He loves us.
For that reason, shame is one of God’s saving graces. Shame calls us back to the love of the one true God; the one good God.
Summary
From last week:
Question #1 What is the purpose of shame? To divide us from evil. To separate us from the world. Shame is a powerful force designed by God to drive us back to Him.
Question #2 How does shame look? Hiding, blaming, denying, making excuses.
This week’s lesson:
Question #3 Why would a good God design shame for division? Because He loves us. Healthy shame is good because it draws us back to the One who offers true comfort and forgiveness, like the good, tenderhearted Father He is.
Division from Evil, Unity with our good God. His Mercy.
He wanted His people to separate themselves from the rotten culture devoted to idol worship and violence. We often see people taking pleasure or pride in evil today. Just check out the movie selection in October for countless examples.
Instead, God wants His people to steer clear of evil. When we worship Him, we will increasingly live in close fellowship with Him and others who love Him. He also provides the emotional energy to reach out to people who are hurting.
Shame divides us, there’s no doubt about it, sometimes for a healthy reason. It is the fuel in our tank to drive us back to God. If we understand what’s driving our shame, it can be the fuel that helps us break self-destructive habits. Shame is one of God’s mercies.
Sadly, FALSE shame can divide us for all the wrong reasons. It can separate us from God and from each other.
In an upcoming lessons, I will distinguish between healthy shame and false shame. And I share more healthy ways to view shame. Hold on to your saddles because I promised a shame reboot and this could be a life-changing ride!
Grace: The Christian’s Superpower Against Division
So, if you woke up this morning and felt ashamed, guess what? God’s mercies are new every morning.
When we feel true shame, we can rejoice. Shame is proof that God has already prepared the energy we need to break self-destructive habits. Shame is a reminder to pray to God for help. When we quit hiding in shame, we can begin a journey to freedom. We can walk in grace.
Shame is actually evidence of God’s grace. Grace is a Christian super power!
“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.” ~Romans 5:1-2
Until you get the help you need to deal with any lingering shame, you’ll probably keep waking up every morning and experiencing shame. Why? Because God loves you. Our good God wants you to seek Him for the help we all need. The recurring healthy shame we feel is evidence of the grace He already prepared for us.
If you need help in figuring out how to shake free of shame, a great place to start is with a trustworthy friend who knows Jesus well. Or find a church loaded with true grace.
Thank you
As always, I am amazed anyone reads my stuff. I think this could be my best work yet. Probably because our good God has given me freedom from so much shame. I am grateful.
I hope The Shame Reboot can become something many people use to spread unity. If I can help you in any way, please reach out. I’m including conversation questions below in case you, too, want to start healthy conversations in your world about freedom from shame.
🙂
cathy
Let’s pray together
Dear Good Father, we know there are signs of division and self-destruction all around us. The source of destruction and evil, the devil, is a formidable enemy. But he is defeated by the blood of the lamb, Your Son. No more sacrifice for sin is necessary. In fact, we find relief from sin and shame only in Your Son, Jesus. Thank You for sending Him. Please teach us how to rest in Your forgiveness and grace. Bless us now because that is Your heart’s desire. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Special Shout Out
A special shout out to my friend Mark Legg who patiently challenged me to think harder as he read and critiqued the Shame Reboot Series. Thank you, Mark, for letting me stay true to my own opinions, while bolstering my confidence with your Biblical insight.
Additionally, thank you to all my friends who read the Shame Reboot before it ever saw the light of day. You know who you are and I am grateful for all your input, correction, and encouragement.
Conversation Questions:
In case you want to create a better conversation in your family, small group, or church:
- What other emotions have surprised you as merciful?
- How do we know all emotions are designed by God, even the uncomfortable ones?
- When have you experienced shame as a mercy in your life?
More To Come—
Freedom in your Inbox
For further freedom from shame, you can get all the upcoming Shame Reboot Lessons by subscribing here. (There is no charge to subscribe and the form is real simple. I never sell or share your info. Never, ever.)
The Next Lesson: What is false shame?
No need to walk around wilted. We can hold our head high, free of false shame.
If you or someone you know is suffering (yes, suffering) with shame, I can’t wait to point you in the direction of even more freedom. Next time: What is false shame, and how do we get free of this wicked counterfeit straight from the pit of hell? Stay tuned!
Making Marriage Great Again
Recently, I’ve shared a series of short videos hoping to give folks a marriage boost. Find them here. Also, you can find a bunch more videos on my YouTube channel.
Thank you for praying, too, that folks keep buying our books and sharing them with others. Your help and endorsements are essential to what we do. We are very GRATEFUL FOR YOU!!
We truly believe for those who want to reboot or rediscover the marriage of their dreams, Marriage Conversations is terrific!
Also, we LOVE all the ways Jesus took a woman from isolation to influence in one conversation, which I explored in The Well. (Shout out to my publishers, CrossRiver Media and Elk Lake Publishing. Both my publishers offer group discounts.)
This month, CrossRiver Media is doing a full blitz of my book, Marriage Conversations. (You can get the first chapter FREE here.) PLEASE share all our videos, memes, podcasts, and blogs. Thank you very much.
FREE Resources for Small Churches
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Cathy Krafve, host of Fireside Talk Radio and author of The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations and Marriage Conversation: From Coexisting to Cherished. Your stories, ideas, and questions welcomed here!
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