The drug pandemic took one of her children. But Bobbie Ziemer decided, “Not in vain!”
Lord willing.
Today’s blog is dedicated to Madison Ziemer Cross in remembrance of her beautiful life and honoring the anniversary of her entrance to heaven on October 10, 2017. Please help us by sharing today’s blog.
The Drug Pandemic
Perhaps you dismiss the drug pandemic happening across our nation as media hype. Just one more story on the nightly news. Certainly, sometimes it’s easier to check out rather than face a reality we don’t understand.
However, Bobbie’s experience will open your heart to understand how families suffer.
“At the height of my career was when our family was introduced to this disease,” begins Bobbie. “I purposely worked as hard as I did.” As a single mom, she wanted to make sure they lived in the nicest of neighborhood she could manage. (Find more on how to be your family’s champion.)
“My kids all went to the best schools that were available. However, I was not immune. My family was not immune,” she adds. “And I like to stand up and say that if there were a poster child of Not My Child, it would be my face on the poster.”
Maybe you, too, lost a child to drugs. Maybe your close friend has. What is life supposed to look like now?
Heartbreakingly, our own family understands how hard it can be to see a young life cut short by drugs. We learned a lot about pain when a beloved young relative overdosed.
Pandemic, Rather Than Epidemic
When we actually start asking around we find out every family in America is dealing with some loss due to drugs. No wonder Bobbie calls it a pandemic rather than an epidemic.
Are you wondering if your child has a problem? Is your family in crisis because of drugs?
In the midst of our pain, it’s easy to think it’s just our family suffering. But what family hasn’t lost a child, a niece, a nephew, or a loved one to drugs?
Can we protect our families, our children and grandchildren, from drug addiction?
I rarely have people on the show who I don’t know personally. Bobbie Ziemer is an exception in every way.
Bobbie is a powerhouse of a woman.
She has a fancy title with a company you would definitely recognize. Families around the world pay a monthly bill to this giant telecom company—it’s that huge.
A Mom With Broken Heart
But what I loved about Bobbie immediately is she’s just a mom with a broken heart on the mend.
When tragedy struck, robbing her of her beautiful daughter, Madison, her first reaction was to keep pressing on. With COVID, Bobbie found it impossible to avoid or deny suffering all around her. She began to face the pain of how her daughter died.
Finally, she took a sabbatical to heal.
“I was feeling my way around in the dark. So last year in March, I decided to step back and to take some time off,” Bobbie says. Although for now Bobbie is legally prevented from discussing details of her daughter’s death, I found a video in this USA Today article.
“And it’s not like the disease of addiction is something people openly talk about. It’s very much hush-hush in the corner. Parents even make other excuses as to why their children have passed away, rather than sharing the real reason,” explains Bobbie.
Not In Vain
Ever resourceful, she searched until she finally found a retreat with other hurting moms. She found she was not alone.
“So the book really came along because I had gone to a mother’s retreat. I had found a support group online, called Not In Vain,” she reports. All proceeds of her book go to support the organization that connected her to the other moms.
In the ebb and flow of her grief over losing her child, she began to wonder how to get resources out there for other families. To comfort others. (Find help for burn out.)
Perhaps she could even get enough information out there to prevent disaster for some families. To educate a nation up to our necks in a drug pandemic we tend to deny. She was determined her family’s suffering would not be in vain.
167 Courageous Moms Share Their Stories
Personally, I don’t know about you, but when I grieve, my brain fogs over. Yet, in the midst of her grief, Bobbie realized she had to tell the story of the drug pandemic. For more, on staying calm in a crisis.
She enlisted the help of God. Plus, 167 more courageous moms. They honored the lives of the children for whom they also mourn by sharing their stories. Bobbie coupled their stories into a powerful, life-affirming, comfort-spreading book: Not In Vain: Mothers Share their Journey through their Child’s Life and Loss to the Drug Pandemic. Over 160 Real-life Stories.
“These are all stories from mothers who lived and fought or are still in the trenches, battling this. You can’t get more of a front view perspective than those who have been on the front lines,” says Bobbie, praising the brave moms who shared their stories so tenderly.
“May these stories give you hope and understanding that you are not alone. May they provide guidance you seek, help you avoid decisions you may regret, and provide direction in the abyss led by the mothers who have walked this painful journey. You can’t change what you don’t know.”~Bobbie Ziemer, from the Introduction to Not In Vain
Life and Death
Because Bobbie curated the book carefully, she sent guidelines to the moms who contributed their stories. Of course she wanted to preserve their individual voices.
Perhaps the most powerful part was also the hardest. Tenderly, she asked the moms for a very specific kind of picture, in addition.
“Give me your favorite picture of your child. But I then I also need you to send me a second picture showing what the end looked like,” she requested. Bobbie included a final picture of beautiful Madison in her casket at the close of the book.
“I couldn’t ask them to do that without me myself doing it,’” she adds.
Headstones. In the coffin. At the morgue. So final. So heartbreaking.
How Can Church Help?
Sadly, we’re not talking openly enough about this in church. Perhaps as Christians, we feel ill-equipped to speak to such a tender and frightening situation.
Often families don’t even know what their child is up against until it is too late.
In the battle of fighting for their child, parents can easily feel alone, overwhelmed, and hopeless. Especially when friends at church awkwardly ghost them.
To help, we can begin open conversations about the drug pandemic, especially at church. For instance, asking good questions, bringing in experts, talking openly begins about how this rampant pandemic is affecting families. For more on trauma impacts communities, find Judge Carole Clark’s interview here.
Who Is Affected By the Drug Pandemic?
“I wanted to put together something that would help families who wanted to protect their family. So there’s really three categories,” Bobbie explains.
- #1 — Proactive family members who want to educate themselves because they have younger children or siblings or family members and they want to understand the disease better.
- #2 — Adults with a child or loved one in the midst of the disease. Maybe they don’t know enough about drug addiction. “That’s the position I was in, “ Bobbie says. Until Madison died. Then Bobbie found herself in a third category as well.
- #3 — Those who have lost a loved one to this disease. She wants folks to know their stories are very similar in many ways. They are not alone.
“Going to that retreat and feeling not alone. Seeing the other mothers losing their keys or forgetting their train of thought. It was like, ‘This is my group! Like, they get it. I’m normal; what I’m going through is normal. What my body is going through is normal, what my family is going through is normal. We’ve suffered a very traumatic loss,’” Bobbie explains.
Warning for Parents of Young Children
During a break, Bobbie specifically told me ONE PILL can end in death and often does. Naturally, I immediately asked her to talk about the problem on air, too.
Certainly, I was caught off guard by what she shares in next week’s episode. Of course, I’ve already warned my adult kids so they could warn our grandchildren. Please tune in.
Not to scare you, but young elementary children can be offered dangerous pills.
Just be aware, we need to warn our sweet babies to refuse any pills offered by even trusted adults. Bobbie gives a surprising example of how that can happen in next week’s episode.
More to Come
I knew Bobbie’s message would be powerful. Why? Because of the emotional sacrifice it takes each time she talks about her family’s experience.
Please consider playing this episode in your Sunday school class or posting her message on your church’s website. People are hurting. The church is the BEST place for them to find REAL help.
Or play it in your own family. Remember, you can’t protect yourself when you don’t know what you’re dealing with.
Finally, Bobbie offers this advice for anyone suffering due to the drug pandemic.
“What I recommend to people now is, Be Patient. Be patient with yourself and be patient with everyone around you. It’s a process.”
If you are hurting, Bobbie and I want you to know you are not alone. We are aware of the pain you feel. If you found today’s blog because you are looking for resources, I really want you to know this is an outstanding book. Tender. Authentic. Life and death.
May we pray together?
Dear good Father, today I know someone will search in desperation and find this blog. Thank you for all the comfort You offer through Bobbie’s big heart and her courage. I pray now for those hurting as a result of a child’s entanglement with drugs or the loss of their life. My heart breaks and I know Yours does, too.
Good Father, may the parent who suffers know the comfort of Your presence in their life. If this dear one does not know the saving, healing love of Jesus Christ the Savior, I pray they receive Him now into their life. Teach us to love each other when we hurt, O Lord! When our brain fogs over and our body shuts down because grief is too overwhelming, have mercy, dear God. Surround us with those who can be silent in the midst of our pain and just love us through it. Bless us now because that is Your heart’s desire. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.
We LOVE to hear from YOU!
When has your heart been overwhelmed by grief? How has your family experienced the drug pandemic? In what healing ways did your church step up?
🙂
cathy
More Favorite Quotes
“Finally, we received a diagnosis from a doctor who said he was ‘dual.’ Well, dual diagnosis only means substance abuse and mental health disorder together at the same time and we were already doing our part. It didn’t work.” ~Mary W., Wixom, Michigan, from Not In Vain, David Forever 30.
“I drop off the drug dealer; we drive to the expressway. I ask my daughter, ‘Does she believe Jesus died on the cross for her sins.’ I need to know. If anything happens to her, I need to know she’s home when I die. She answered, ‘Yes.’ My soul was at peace.” ~Dawn S., Toledo, Ohio, from Not In Vain, Amber Forever 25.
“Communication is the pathway to companionship. Jesus is the great communicator.” ~from The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations, pg 4.
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