Brothers, if you are wondering how in the world to give your wife correction without causing WW3, you’ll love today’s blog. I packed a ton of help into a few short paragraphs.
Think of this blog as my special Father’s Day BONUS GIFT FOR MEN. Yep, because I love you and your family. (For more Father’s Day wisdom, check out my interviews with Chris Legg.)
Correction is Better Than Public Humiliation
Lately, I’ve been giving correction a lot of thought. Probably because I sent my latest project on to a professional editor.
A good editor is worth their weight in gold. Why? Correction.
It’s easy for me to receive correction from my editor. Because I know whatever messes we miss will be published for the world to see.
For instance, notice the one letter difference between public and pubic; a mistake I just caught myself in this very heading!
Exactly. Correction. A Blessing.
The Blessing of Correction
Follow the steps below and, please, let me know if your ability to offer her correction jumps to new heights.
Wives Love to Correct
Step #1: Be patient when she corrects you. (Ugh! No fun, I know, but I promise patience will pay off.)
Men have to make a ton of decisions to make. You want–-you need–-wisdom. You probably ask your wife for help deciding.
Have you ever noticed how wives love to offer helpful thoughts, even correction, hopefully in private? There’s a reason for this universal tendency. It’s found in the first book of the Bible. Yep, Genesis.
The reason will help you be more patient. Her ideas will stop feeling like correction and more like compulsion. Once you understand, you’ll find it easier to be patient with her. Patience is a great place to start on the road to correcting her when she needs it.
Lost and In Need of a New Perspective
Step #2: Realize she may be searching for a new perspective. (And it’s probably yours, but she might not know it yet.)
Ever wonder why Eve was out wandering around in the Garden of Eden without Adam? Yeah, me too.
She was looking for something. (You know, like her phone, her car keys, her purse. Why are they never where I left them?)
While she was out enjoying nature and searching, Satan came along and bugged her. He lied to her and tempted her to disobey God, telling her to eat of the one tree Adam and Eve are supposed to leave alone.
“Then the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’ So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.” ~Genesis 3:4-6
Eve settled for knowledge, but what she really searched for was wisdom. And that was before the fall (that infamous moment when sin entered the world cus Eve took a bite out of the forbidden fruit).
Metal Detectors and Wisdom Seekers
Step #3: Understand your wife is a treasure for your benefit.
Now that we know Eve was searching for wisdom before sin entered into the world, it makes more sense about why your wife is always trying to share wisdom.
Like a metal detector, your wife is an automatic wisdom seeker. God made her that way. In reality, she is the treasure. A pre-wired wisdom detector designed by God to help you find wisdom.
Heck, even your ex-wife is a treasure. Yeah, I get an ex-wife might be harder to appreciate.
Okay, fine. But just because a woman is specially pre-wired by God to seek wisdom, doesn’t mean her settings are correctly calibrated. Valid point. Yes sir.
Trustworthy Treasure Seekers
Step #4: Be trustworthy because God loves your wife, too.
We bought my hubby a metal detector for Father’s Day. The grands are going to love looking for treasure on the beach. But not everything they find will be worth keeping.
So it is at my house. I’m chalk full of wisdom, according to me. Of course, all of us need our settings recalibrated sometimes.
Did Eve think the knowledge of good and evil would make her wise? Maybe. But if so, she was wrong.
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” ~Proverbs 9:10
Knowledge is a great thing, but wisdom begins with fear of the Lord, i.e. respect for God.
I believe respect for God grows out of our confidence that He loves us. As we go along in life seeking God, it’s not long before we begin to see evidence that He loves each one of us. Once we understand His devotion to our best, we trust Him more and more. Also, we learn to respect the boundaries He builds into our life.
Our daughter, Anna, had a great way of communicating this to her kids.
“Does Mommy want good things for you?” she used to ask them when they hesitated to obey her as toddlers. They soon learned to trust her. Now they quickly respond to her instructions.
Likewise, once we trust God’s love for us, we obey quickly. Because God loves your wife, respecting Him means treating her with respect, too. Yep, even if she gets it wrong once in awhile.
What God says about Correction
Step #5: Get to know God by studying what the Bible teaches.
Let’s start with something beautiful about how good fathers expresses love through correction.
“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord,
Nor detest His correction;
For whom the Lord loves He corrects,
Just as a father the son in whom he delights.” ~Proverbs 3:11-12
Of course, the easiest way to begin to respect and love God, is get to know Him. Stories in the New Testament of God’s Son, Jesus, are a great way to get to know Him. In the Bible, James 4:7-8a gives us some info Eve sure could have used:
“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”
If you want to be an understanding husband; if you want to be wise, to submit to God, to resist the devil and all his tricks, getting to know God is a great place to start.
Re-calibrating Your Wife with Gentle Correction
Step #6 Offer correction gently.
Finally, when she needs a nudge in the right direction, do it gently.
“A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.The eyes of the Lord are in every place, Keeping watch on the evil and the good. A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit. A fool despises his father’s instruction, But he who receives correction is prudent.” ~Proverbs 15:1-5
Gentleness is an uncommon skill. If you need a hint on how to be more gentle, try beginning with a good question. (Here’s a link. Listen to Fun Video #2.)
If you’ve been setting a great example by respecting her and listening when she offers you wisdom, she should respond well to your gentle perspective. I hope so. If not, I want to know about it.
You’re the Man
You can handle those little bumps in the road when your wife might need a re-calibration. You’re the man; a gentleman.
Maybe you feel like you don’t know enough Bible. A lot of people feel that way; even really smart people.
Whenever I hear someone say the Bible is too hard to understand, I point them to the red letter edition. Many people have never heard of a red letter edition. In a red letter edition of the Bible, all Jesus’ words have been conveniently highlighted in red ink. Seeing Jesus’ quotes highlighted in red makes it easy to jump right in.
However, just like Eve, the mother of us all, we get wisdom and knowledge confused, too. For a quick review, when your wife needs correction, here are the 6 steps that help:
- Step #1: Be patient when she corrects you.
- Step #2: Realize she may be searching for a new perspective.
- Step #3: Understand your wife is a treasure, pre-calibrated for your benefit.
- Step #4: Be trustworthy because God loves your wife, too.
- Step #5: Get to know God by studying what the Bible teaches.
- Step #6: Offer correction gently.
Free to Seek Treasure
For husbands and sons, the best thing to remember about today’s blog is simple: God designed Eve to seek wisdom before sin entered the world.
Before Eve even had kids, she was seeking wisdom. Long before she knew how hard it would be to hold together a family, raise her children, or habitually treat her husband with respect. God pre-programed her to seek wisdom. This makes her a treasure to you.
Once a husband understands his wife’s natural wisdom-seeking settings, he is set free. To be a lot more patient and loving himself. for some great short videos about marriage, click here.
Thank you for sticking with me so I could give you all this juicy info. I hope you found what you’re looking for today. If I can serve you with any more thoughts on this topic, let me know. Or if you think I need correction, hey, send it on!
For more about redemption and the art of messing up, click here.
For why an analytical, doubtful, cynical person, like me, became a Christian, click here. Feel free to contact me with questions if that still doesn’t make sense. I live to talk to people with GREAT questions!
🙂
Cathy
Changing the culture one conversation at a time takes all of us having better conversations in our families, our churches, and our communities.
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We love to hear from YOU!
What have you learned when correcting your spouse blew up in your face? When has gentle correction seemed like a true miracle? Do you belong to a small church in need of FREE resources, like books, Bible Studies, and speakers? If yes, please contact me!
Let’s Pray Together
Dear good Father, You are the One who designed marriage. You chose the beautiful design You gave women. We love to seek wisdom. Sometimes, we all need a little re-calibration. Help the husband who wants to lead with gentleness and respect for You, dear Lord. This world is a messy place and we need Your help. Bless us now, please, because that is Your heart’s desire. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
By The Way
Coming soon: The Shame Reboot: How to get free of the shame dividing churches and families. Watch for it here!
Find some great quotes about wisdom, correction, and the Garden of Eden at the end of today’s blog.
Making Marriage Great Again
Recently, I’ve shared a series of short videos hoping to give folks a marriage boost. Find them here. Also, you can find a bunch more videos on my YouTube channel.
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We truly believe for those who want to reboot or rediscover the marriage of their dreams, Marriage Conversations is terrific!
Also, we LOVE all the ways Jesus took a woman from isolation to influence in one conversation, which I explored in The Well. (Shout out to my publishers, CrossRiver Media and Elk Lake Publishing. Both my publishers offer group discounts.)
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FREE Resources for Small Churches
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- how to sponsor resources for small churches to grow in better communication, or
- how to cultivate better communication in your church.
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Favorite Quotes about Wisdom and Correction:
“I believe ingratitude is the original sin. I believe if Adam and Eve had been grateful for the garden of Eden they had, they would not have been so focused on the one tree they didn’t have.” ~Max Lucado
“Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant.” ~Mark Twain
“A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment.” ~John Wooden
“A loving heart is the truest wisdom.” —Charles Dickens
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Cathy Krafve, host of Fireside Talk Radio and author of The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations and Marriage Conversation: From Coexisting to Cherished. Your stories, ideas, and questions welcomed here!
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