When you walk into devastating moments who stands with you? Could the God of the universe speak to a mom? Today, my friend Becky Carpenter joins us to talk about how God shows up.
When God lights up the sky, you’ll know it, according to Becky. When her beautiful teenage daughter was killed in a bus accident on a field trip with her school, Becky recognized His voice.
Clearly, Skylar was one of those kids who lit up every room she ever entered. Have you, too, known kids with such joy that their laughter can be heard above the din in the lunchroom? Maybe a kid who never met a stranger.
Sound like one of your own children? Imagine losing such a precious daughter in a heartbeat.
Maybe you don’t have to imagine. Perhaps you are suffering because you lost a beloved child. Or maybe someone you know is experiencing such deep grief you have no idea how to help. If so, today’s blog is for you, with our love.
Just a Normal Family
“Well, our family, I would consider us a typical family of four. My husband and I both had very good careers. He was in corporate. I was in education. We were chasing around our two daughters as most moms and dads do,” Becky begins.
On this show we love educators because my daughter and regular co-host, Anna, is an educator.
“The perk about being in education is I get to make sure my kids stay on track and all that good stuff. I can peak in their classrooms and all of that,” says Becky. “We have two daughters, Shelbi and Skylar.”
Catch that? Becky never says they had two daughters. Her daughter, Shelbi, is an Aggie and I’m only including that for my Aggie lovin’ grandchildren, even though I teach them the Texas Fight Song! A devoted scholar, Shelbi is now an educator like her mom.
Sweet Sky
In contrast, younger sister Skylar loved high school for non-academic reasons.
“She (Skylar) was excited every day to school, but it was absolutely everything to do with the social scene. Lunch hour. Everything that had to do with getting out of class. So extracurricular activities were her priority as well,” laughs Becky.
“A little bit about about her personality, she frequented my office but it wasn’t to just to say hello to Mom,” adds her mom, who was Assistant Principal, at the time. “ She typically had a discipline referral in her hand. Never anything serious, but it had to do with her personality. She was animated and she was funny and liked to talk, liked to make people laugh.”
Skylar’s FFA group (Yes, a girl in Future Farmers of America), planned a field trip. With determination befitting a youngster growing up, she asked her mom not to chaperon. Her parents agreed.
On a Day Like Any Other
“So the morning of this particular trip I went down to the Ag building and I just said, ‘Hey Skylar, you sure you don’t want mom to go with you?’ Because that’s our job as parents to embarrass our kids,” laughs Becky.
Then, she gave her daughter a big hug. Then, Skylar grinned at her mom and said something that turned out to be prophetic.
“Mom, I can make this trip on my own.”
Those were the last words Becky heard from Skylar.
Running Into God’s Arms
“They loaded up and headed out. It wasn’t long before that a phone call came into the office.”
Immediately, Becky grabbed her keys and headed out the door.
“There wasn’t a moment that I didn’t just feel the presence of the Lord. Because when I got out to the car and even when I started the ignition, I always listen to Christian music, and the song on the radio was ‘Light up the Sky.’”
“You light up the sky to show me that you are with me
And I, I, I can’t deny
No I can’t deny that you are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes
So I can see you all around me
You light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me that you are with me
So I’ll run straight into your arms
You’re the bright and morning sun
To show your love there’s nothin’ you won’t do (nothin’ you won’t do).”
~Light Up the Sky, The Afters (Italics mine.)
It was Skylar’s favorite song.
“Because we always called her Sky as a nickname. It was almost like the Lord reaching down, saying ‘I’m with ya,’” reports Becky.
Only 45 minutes later, Becky arrived to chaos.
Devastating Moments
“When I arrived at the scene it was very much like a movie scene because of all the emergency vehicles,” Becky says, adding, “When I drove up to the cars and stopped, I just whispered, ‘Lord, I can’t do this.’”
In her life’s most devastating moment, she experienced something she will never forget.
“As loud as I’m speaking to you I heard these two words that changed everything. It was the Lord speaking into my spirit, and He said, ‘I’m here.’”
Supported by miraculous inner peace, she walked to the scene of the accident and began to comfort Skylar’s friends. Now she knows the place that seems our darkest moment is exactly where God meets us face to face.
Power in Seeking Him
“I found out the light does shine the brightest in the darkness. Because when everything is going well, we’re not that dependent on the Lord. We kinda take our faith for granted. I certainly was guilty of that,” she says.
But when we invite Jesus in to reside with us in the darkness of our suffering, it alters us, according to Becky. Our suffering can also be enlarged by His presence, she explains, adding there is so much power in seeking Him.
“That particular day, I just learned there’s a huge difference between running to church and running to Jesus.,” says Becky.
Becky explains how suffering can transform our faith from passive to active.
“His goodness, when you read scripture, it jumps out now because His peace passes all understanding. He gives us that comfort that is not of this world. And those things are real because I’ve experienced them,” she emphasizes.
Grief Compounded by Guilt
Grief is often compounded by guilt. If you know my story, you know I can say so without any condemnation.
If you found this because you’re struggling with grief and feel like giving up on life, please go to our home page. If that describes your situation— or anyone you know—we have interview to encourage you from brave experts who understand suffering. Sign up for our free podcasts loaded with encouragement.
There you’ll find amazing episodes God has given us via heroic people, like Tamara Clymer, Michelle Lazurek, and Kristin Faith Evans. We all face battles we don’t expect to fight. Anxiety and depression threaten all of us along the way. There are some challenges we can’t change.
In Becky’s situation, there was no reason for her to feel guilty, yet she still found herself under attack by guilt.
“If there is breath in our lungs, God has put us on this earth for a purpose,” Becky says. “When our purpose is big, Satan is gonna show up. He’s gonna use any hot buttons that he can to try to paralyze us from our purpose.”
Under Attack
Becky explains how the enemy uses our heightened emotions to overpower us temporarily. But she has an encouraging thought for Christians who feel overwhelmed.
“That is Satan trying to attack. I always say this to folks, ‘When it comes to spiritual warfare and spiritual battle, if Satan’s not attacking, he’s content with where you are,’” says Becky, adding “So, I take it as a badge of honor when he’ s attacking.”
I totally agree. Please listen in to our conversation for more of the profound stuff Becky said about how Satan uses our God-designed emotions to thwart God’s purpose for us.
Fighting Back!
For myself, I especially liked what she said about being too tough to let Satan win without fighting back.
“You and I are from Texas and we’re a little too salty to allow Satan to win this battle,” she says. “So I’m not going allow him to attack me to the point where I’m paralyzed.”
Sure, we all fall down sometimes. But Jesus is in the ditch with us, according to Becky. He may even let us rest there for a cotton-pickin’ minute. Certainly, He knows all women need rest sometimes!
“But He’s gonna say, ‘Okay Becky, it’s time to get up. Pull your boot straps up; we got work to do. We gotta build this kingdom,’” she laughs.
When God Lights Up the Sky
If you are not a Christian, you may read these ideas with bewilderment. For sure, Jesus died on the cross so you, too, can be free of guilt, shame, and the darkness you may feel. He wants to comfort you, too, in your most devastating moments. Please look for more explanation here.
Rarely do I say I’ve got to get you on my show. But that’s exactly what happened the very FIRST time I talked to Becky!
Instantly, in that first call, she spoke God’s love into my heart. Without a doubt, I knew God’s beautiful Spirit wanted us to do this interview together.
I was so blessed by her faith. And inspired by the faith of her beautiful daughter, Skylar. Next week, she shares about running to Jesus. He phrase is transforming my thinking with truth.
Stay tuned for more blessings!
🙂
Cathy
P.S. I want to mention, Becky and her family host Ignite Your Legacy Girl’s Conferences for 6th- 12th graders. Yep, here’s more info for parents who have teenage girls.
We LOVE to hear from YOU!
How has God showed up when you needed Him? What is the most comforting thing anyone ever said to you? When you think of God’s voice, what comes to your mind and heart–fear or comfort or both?
May we pray together?
Dear good Father, You show up and sometimes we don’t even notice You’re there. We feel overwhelmed and alone. Maybe grief brings us to our knees and we can’t even think. Yet, there You are. In our hearts, let us follow the lead of first Skylar, then Becky. Teach us how to watch for You and run into Your embrace. No matter where we are or what our circumstances. Light up our horizon with Your beautiful presence. Clear our minds to focus on YOU. Give us Your peace. Bless us now because that is Your heart’s desire. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Favorite Quotes about Spiritual Battle
““Battle ready. We really feel that God has pressed on our hearts that we really need to be preparing women for these days that we face,” Tamara explains. “That spiritual battle that we all face.” ~Tamara Clymer, from Battle Ready Faith: For Battles You Don’t Expect to Fight
““There is nothing any of us could do to make us worthy of God’s love. Conversely, there is nothing so bad that would make God not love us,” explains Robin. “That’s what my purpose in life is. To share that God’s love for us is not ABOUT us, but ABOUT Him!” ~Robin Luftig, Calm in a Crisis: The Beauty of Faith Tested By Fire
““If you show your heart, you will be hurt. But, I choose to share my heart with the assurance that He will show my heart and His to my children.” ~anonymous, Going it Alone; Beating the Post-Divorce Parenting Triangle
Stay Tuned for More Adventures!
Watch for Becky in the soon-to-be release, The Write Calling: Encouragement for the Writer’s Heart with Deb Dearmond. As you know, my dear friend Gina Butler and I feel God’s leading to help other writers get their book written, thus, Writing Friends.
Like us, the Living Write Texas author want you to write your book. In this compilation book, The Write Calling, nine authors share their “insights, wins, and misses.” Don’t give up on your book! Instead, check out this great resource coming out any minute!
Then, Father’s Day is around the corner and we are praising God for the good men we know! We’re always amazed when men tell us they are listening in.
So, in honor of men everywhere, I’m taking on a nail-biting topic that several people have asked me quietly to address. Erectile dysfunction is not a topic easy to bring up at church, that’s for sure!
But I had to wait until I had an authority with no pills or procedures to sell. Fortunately, we’ll hear from Dr. Jim McAndrews. Two shows answering our questions about erectile dysfunction and then, his testimony. What an amazing friend and expert!
Plus, look for Tammy Whitehurst, Callie Lee & Gina Butler soon! And finally, with summer around the corner, Anna will be co-hosting again. I can hardly wait!
I am so THANKFUL for YOU!
Cathy Krafve, host of Fireside Talk Radio and author of The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations and Marriage Conversation: From Coexisting to Cherished. We welcome your stories, ideas, and questions at CathyKrafve.com.
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