“I was once asked this very direct question by my then-teenage daughter,” writes a dear friend, “‘Why couldn’t you keep Daddy happy?’” When kids ask tough questions, how do we stay free of the parenting triangle?

No one wants to go it alone. But, when families regroup, a mom may be tempted to trash Dad. Instead, surrounding ourselves with loving, wise companions fortifies us all for the long haul. Nowhere, is this more important than in avoiding parenting triangles. How do we avoid the parenting triangle trap?

No Need for Going It Alone

One of the best blessings about building a social media platform is the amazing feedback I’m getting from other women, often anonymously. For instance, a treasured friend sent her perspective on staying untangled from the parenting triangle. 

Here’s why I value her wisdom so much; she shares it for all the right reasons. She’s a gentle soul and not one for the spotlight. I think you will see her beautiful spirit in what she wrote.

Avoiding the Parenting Triangle Trap

Her daughter’s tough question came post-divorce, after 10 years of trying to stay in the marriage in spite of his multiple affairs. So, how did she avoid the parenting triangle?

“I had no answer at the time. I simply said, ‘I tried my best to make him happy, but sometimes that’s not enough,’” she writes. So, how did her daughter respond?

“Well, your best used to be better!” Moms face some heart-piercing moments along the way! To my friend’s credit, she didn’t try to defend herself. Or, demean the child’s father.

Comfort for the Woman God Intended

Now that they’ve been divorced for over sixteen years, her children are finally seeing the woman God intended her to be all along, she says, offering a kind of comfort to those behind her on the trail.

Most women will make tremendous sacrifices to hold their marriages together, even forgiving an affair. Divorce is inevitable in some cases. Sadly, divorce is not an easy topic in the church. Yet, the church is the place we most need to comfort the wounded.

Successful Women Experience Heartache, Too

Because their father missed the opportunity to be his best, this beautiful family experiences ongoing sadness. In spite of the fact that their mother is successful and influential, the kids and grandkids have to accommodate a family dynamic that they did not choose. 

Woundedness in the head of the home takes a toll on all family members. One wise man explained to me that God holds the husband responsible in a unique way. Because, no matter how challenging a wife can be, God still sees the husband as the head of the family, according to this wise man.

Camp Grand and Other Blessings

As for my friend, these days she hosts Camp Grand every summer for her grandchildren. Her children visit often, three generations together.

“My children stay at my house, a very, very modest home compared to the one they grew up in. My point here is to provide you a question (about parenting triangles), but also to say that God loves you no matter what.” She adds a valuable perspective, “If you show your heart, you will be hurt. But, I choose to share my heart with the assurance that He will show my heart and His to my children.”

A Father Who Knows Me

This amazing woman of influence and wisdom adds a final thought: “My Father knows me, and that’s more than enough.”

I can testify that many people are blessed by the beautiful heart of this dear friend. I am only one of many blessed by her generosity of soul.

May I pray for you?

Dear Heavenly Father, You care about our kids and their father. When our hearts are broken and we’re tempted to lash out, You stand with us, gently offering us peace. You bind our broken hearts. Give us grace to say the things that will enrich our kids lives, even in the midst of tremendous injustice. Help us keep quiet when nothing constructive can be said. Help us be faithful to You and to our family. Mend and strengthen our hearts, O Lord. In Jesus name. Amen.

We love to hear from you….

What have you done to untangle yourself from parenting triangles? How have you comforted your kiddos along the way? How has God blessed you beyond your expectations?

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Cathy Krafve, Texas Author, Columnist, Speaker, and Radio Host, focusing on fellowship in Marriage, Family and Community, invites your stories, ideas, and questions at CathyKrafve.com. Truth with a Texas Twang.