As we take a close look at role models and healthy marriage, we know some families are remembering loved ones who made the ultimate sacrifice for the rest of us. Please know we are grateful and we haven’t forgotten you or your family. 🇺🇸

Imagine my delight when I opened Scott Kedersha’s book and found hilarious chapter titles like, Do I Have to Visit Your Parents? Yep, our conversation was pretty fast and sometimes funny. So are you ready or knot for a healthy marriage?

For instance, here’s one question we really all oughta ask. How to keep from making the mistakes we’ve watched other people make? Heck, maybe even our own parents!

TV Role Models

“Part of the challenge is we have no good models of what it looks like to have a good marriage,” says Scott, sympathizing. “So, we look to the things that are right in front of us. It’s going to be television. We’re gonna learn how to do marriage from the Batchelor, from social media. We’re watching Harry and Megan.” Oh, dear, he’s got a point! 

Community for Healthy Marriages

Fortunately, Scott experienced a different option for growing a healthy marriage. (Find Scott’s story.)

“This is where the church has such an amazing, unique opportunity to give a real honest picture of marriage,” Scott explains. “Not a fake one. Not a self-protecting, I’m going to put a good face on the outside, but be miserable on the inside.”

Instead, Scott believes authentic, normal couples pulling together in community can make all the difference for growing strong marriages. In fact, church can offer people the community we crave, according to Scott.

“God designed his Church to be a place where we could find hope, where we find healing, where we could be strengthened,” he begins. “So the Church really needs to step up in this area. And not point people away from the church but draw people in to help us grow healthy marriages.”

Five Nonnegotiables of Communication and Conflict Resolution

For a healthy marriage, Scott emphasizes apologizing and forgiveness.  

“Get really good at apologizing and asking for forgiveness. Be specific in your apologies.” ~Scott Kedersha, from his book, Ready or Knot: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have Before Marriage. 

Yep, that quote reminds me of my hilarious son. He says, “I’m an expert at asking for forgiveness because I’ve had to do so much of it.” If only we all could go into a healthy marriage with that skill set. Naturally, I couldn’t wait to dig in with Scott about forgiveness.

Scott’s 5 Nonnegotiable for Communication and Conflict Resolution

Specifically, I asked Scott about his 5 Nonnegotiable for Communication and Conflict Resolution (from pg. 43 of his book). Great stuff for growing a healthy marriage!

#1 Seek to Understand, Not Win

Ouch! How many years did I think if I won the argument, I had somehow persuaded David? In fact, I wasn’t persuading him of anything. Instead, we undermined each other with hurt and anger.

Scott points out how our culture emphasizes winning at the expense of understanding, especially when raising sons. How in the world are we supposed to grow a strong marriage against such odds!

#2 Learn to Communicate and Resolve Conflict in a Selfless Way

As the father of four sons, Scott is especially sensitive to the way our culture handicaps our boys.

“Everything around us tells us win. Raise our boys and go first. Be the victor,” he explains. “And God’s way is so different. We’re gonna put the needs of the others first. I’m not going to be a fool. I’m going to seek  to understand my spouse.”

In explanation, he offers a verse. Proverbs 18:2,  “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his or her opinion.” 

“I love that verse because I don’t want to be a fool,” he continues. “But I want to serve my wife.

He offers a couple of ideas for loving her:

• Put her needs before my own
• I want to sacrifice and be selfless
• Not just win

Well now, better put that one on a sticky note on my computer! 

In our interview, Scott and I breezed past 3 and 4 in our conversation because I wanted to get to #5. But his book handles them thoroughly.

#3 Be Quick to Listen

Sadly, I hate to admit my marriage suffered because I didn’t even know how to ask the right questions. Fortunately, asking good questions is a skill we can all learn!

#4 Change the Way You View Conflict

In my opinion, most conflicts can be resolved by anyone willing to carefully take the risk of a conversational adventure. (Both my books are rich with better communication strategies.)

#5 Become an Expert in Forgiveness

“I’m gonna be really vulnerable and more recent,” Scott began to explain how powerful forgiveness is in a strong marriage.

During COVID, quarantined forced Scott to be by himself in a spare bedroom for a few nights, lonely and bored. 

“I pulled out my phone and looked at something I shouldn’t have looked at. It’s been awhile since that’s been a part of my story,” he says. 

Obviously, I’m not assuming anything about what Scott looked at because tons of junk bombards families now. If that’s your story, you are not alone. 

(In particular, our interviews about porn get countless hits, find Rosie MaKinney’s interview about how so much porn is all affecting families and Dave and Barb Howe’s interview about how men can claim freedom.)

Naturally, he was ashamed about checking out something he was uncomfortable with. So, Scott didn’t tell his wife for a few days. But it really bugged him.

“Finally, a few days later, I just had to confess to Kristen,” he reports. “And she modeled everything that’s in the book about forgiveness.”

Living With a Forgiven Person

Even though she wasn’t happy, Kristen forgave him. (Janet McHenry talked about forgiving relentlessly.)

“Because she knows what it’s like to live as a forgiven person. I know what it’s like to live as a forgiven person,” he adds. 

Forgiveness is not easy. And, it doesn’t mean you forgive and forget, according to Scott. (Find Deb Butterfield’s insight about why to forgive in the worst circumstances.)

“But she modeled again just what it looks like to pursue and to follow Jesus by forgiving me. We had to rebuild trust, but we’re doing so great.” 

Forgiven and Grateful

With joy, I say, “Gratitude is the most overlooked super-power in the universe.” Certainly, knowing we’re forgiven creates freedom, joy, and yep, gratitude in our hearts. Powerful stuff!

So, now is my chance to remind YOU I am GRATEFUL for YOU! Just know this: YOU are a blessing and an answer to prayer! 

🙂

Cathy

We LOVE to hear from YOU!

How has marriage been a great gift in your life? When has community changed everything in your life? How can Christians share a hopeful message about marriage?

May we pray together?

Dear good father in heaven, You are the perfect picture of unity in Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Yet, we are not. We get disgruntled and fussy. Our lives and marriages unravel into a hot mess. Our distress and hard hearts make us crazy. Give us peace and confidence we need for today, we ask, O Lord. Help us practice daily gratitude with joy and power. Gently teach us to humble our hearts, so we can love like Jesus. Teach us to abide in Your Spirit. Bless us now because that is Your heart’s desire. We pray in Your Sons name, the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

 (Sign up for all our Camp Krafve Fireside talk Radio FREE blogs and interviews.)

Plus, a Gigantic thank you to all who are sharing my books with your friends. The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations. or The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations. All your feedback overwhelms and humbles us! (If you love the books, too, and want to get them for your Bible Study or Sunday school or, heck, any group, just let me know.)

Thank You from the Bottom of My Heart!

Naturally, YOU are a crucial part of what we do. We depend on each other to spread these great messages we’re gathering from trusted, victorious leaders.

With joy, we already hear stories of how our books are equipping readers to have life-changing conversational adventures. Your reports delight our family and all our friends!

P.S. More Adventures For YOU!

Especially if you love❤️ the books 😉, you can help by writing a review on Amazon:

• For Marriage Conversations: https://Amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=1936501562
• For The Well:  https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B08M4G1Q6Z

Coming Soon to this Blog–

Next up: If books and book writing are for you, you’ll LOVE my list of people who can help. If your book-writing (or reading) dreams are bogged down, this blog promises to rev you right back up!

After that, in an added bonus, I’ll be posting two interviews of me, with my friends Sandra Beck and Angie Ruark soon. You won’t want to miss the serious, silly, and always unexpected stuff both these delightful hosts draw out of me. Oh my!

Then, talented Texan Miles Pike, musician, husband, and daddy to three, joins me to talk about how music inspires the hearts of your kiddos. Great stuff for Father’s Day! Single moms also will love what this sweet daddy shares.

And Don’t Forget– Of course, you can invite me to join your Sunday school class, book club, or conference in person or through a special zoom link. (Contact me to join you.)

You are Invited to join the Fireside Tribe TEAM!

When you join our Fireside Tribe BOOK LAUNCH TEAM, you’ll receive discounts on books, group discounts, special offers, and options to have signed copies for your friends. Plus, you’ll be up-to-the-minute on insider news.

Best of all, you’ll help us push positive messages out there into a universe in desperate need of good stuff. THANK YOU!!! 

Last, if books and book-writing are for YOU, don’t miss my list of great people who can help.

More Great Quotes

Finally, I can’t resist learning things the easy way. So here are a few of my favorite quotes about creative conversations from recent guests on the show:

“The reality is, most married couples don’t love to communicate or resolve conflict. We’re not good at it, it’s rarely modeled well, and it takes so much time and effort to do it with success…. All our lives we’re taught to win, defend, and prove our point.” ~Scott Kedersha, pp. 37-38 from this book: Ready or Knot?: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have before Marriage

“I showed up broken and wanting to hide,” says Susan Cox, Director of Re/Engage, about the first time she came to her church, Watermark Community Church.

“The adventure is in believing that (where) God is taking your family, your children, so much is hidden away in this spouse of yours. The husband’s job is to dig it out. Well, that makes for an exciting life.” ~Jack Sharpe

With joy, we invite you to sign up for all our Camp Krafve Fireside Talk Radio FREE blogs and interviews.

Cathy Krafve, Speaker, Blogger, Podcaster, and author of The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations and Marriage Conversation: From Coexisting to Cherished. We invite you to join the Fireside Tribe. Truth with a Texas Twang.