Between the upcoming shows with Tony Johnson and the challenging brain of Betsy Hahn, I’ve been thinking harder than I wanted to about mentoring. (For Betsy’s Questions 1-4, look for How to be a Single Parent Without Getting on Everyone’s Nerves) The result? My Proverbs 31 Man Guide. Did you know Proverbs 31 is about how to raise great men? But first, let’s look at another one of Betsy’s terrific preponderances….
Find a Husband ASAP?
Betsy’s Question #5: What can leaders of a single-parent family do to make others more comfortable? “There are many hurdles. Finding a replacement husband asap is not a good idea because that’s fraught with issues,” she writes. Betsy’s wisdom comes laced with humor.
One of my personal favorite tips on this topic came from my favorite Social Media Guru Sandra Beck (of Military Moms and Dynamic Women among other things) who advises single moms to avoid putting pressure on other families. One way is to limit requests for mentoring time to specific “manly activities” that have a time limit, according to Sandra.
In Tony’s upcoming podcasts, he offers some practical ideas about how to combine forces to create “family” moments, through mentoring. His tips translate well to all single parent situations; I hope you’ll tune in.
Mentoring: the Myth, the Mystery, the Magic
It’s often difficult to find any qualified men to spend time with sons. Let’s face it, dads have a lot on their plates. Good men are often stretched thin between serving their own family and their work, not to mention community and kids’ activities. Godly men wish they could do more.
Who can blame a single mom for praying for better options? Single dads, too, can feel overwhelmed thinking about the feminine side of life for their daughters.
Thankfully, God has not left any of us powerless. In fact, He often surprises us with abundance when we finally turn to Him. (The “finally” in that sentence was a reminder for, ahem, well, okay, me.) When we turn to Him, we often discover we have many unexpected options.
The Myth
The Myth – Most women think their sons will be worse off without good male mentoring. While that’s kinda true, it also doesn’t have to be true. Biblically speaking, I’d like to point out moms can inspire the right kind of leadership in their sons without any male role modeling at all. All single parents can be victorious with a fresh perspective on a classic approach. Keep reading….
The Mystery
The Mystery – God has not left us powerless, no matter our situation. For instance, Proverbs 31 is a classic approach to how God wants women to raise sons who are good husbands and leaders, even when their father fails. Yet, those verses are often taught as a bondage for how to be perfect women. Groan. Single moms aren’t the only ones who benefit when we understand Proverbs 31 correctly. This stuff is pure gold for single dads, too, and all of us.
Of course, if we go straight to the beautiful poem in verse 10, we miss the whole point of Proverbs 31. On the other hand, if we start in verse 1, we get it. Proverbs 31 provides God’s wisdom from a mom to her son on leadership for his nation and his family. Proverbs 31 is not for perfectionistic bondage at all. Of course, no part of scripture is meant for harm.
The Magic
The Magic – We see the author, possibly King Solomon, devoted only nine verses to leading a kingdom. Surprisingly, he recorded his mother’s wisdom for leading a wife in twenty-two verses. Oh-so-much humor in those numbers!
First, it must be twice as hard to lead wives as to rule kingdoms. Nine to twenty-one; that’s a pretty big ratio of difficulty. Maybe we want to keep in mind, as we coach our sons; home could be twice as hard as the office!
Second, only twenty-two verses on wife-leading? Now, we know for sure Solomon was the wisest man ever!
King Solomon was the son of King David. David had eight wives, plus an unaccounted number of more wives he married in Jerusalem. That’s a bunch. Hmmm. Perhaps his wives all felt abandoned, almost like a single mom today. I easily imagine a strong woman instilling wisdom in a beloved son. In spite of the odds, any competition for future leadership, this mother knew where her son’s priorities needed to be. By adopting the wisdom Solomon received from his mom, all families are better off, no matter who is leading them.
Best Take-away for Those Raising Future Leaders
Here’s my favorite take-away, though, from what I like to call the “supposedly perfect” woman verses, verses 10-31. Basically, the best way to lead a wife is to praise her for every cotton-picking thing she does, whatever it is. She picked up your dirty socks; she’s the best roommate you’ve ever had. She fed the dog; look, how she cares for everyone in her life. I would not, on the other hand, recommend comparing her to a merchant ship (verse 14), unless you’re in the navy and she knows you really admire ships.
In any home, daughters who learn that their character and hard work are valued will be more secure in their self-worth. Clearly, a son who can be grateful for every small thing is a son whose heart is well on the way to leadership. Gratitude energizes everyone’s heart.
May I pray for you?
Dear Perfect Father, the One who never abandons us or our children, hear our prayers now. O Lord, keep us safely in Your wisdom as we train our children. Instill gratefulness in our own hearts. Allow us to pass the habit of gratitude to future generations as a lifestyle. Give us power to raise future leaders who trust You. Energize our hearts with gratitude for Your love. In Jesus name. Amen.
We love to hear from you….
How are you coaching your kids to be grateful? What friend do you turn to when you want some encouragement for a battle you can’t seem to win? What makes that friend so special and trustworthy? I hope you’ll share your stories in the comments below!
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Cathy Krafve, Texas Author, Columnist, Speaker, and Radio Host, focusing on fellowship in Marriage, Family, and Community, invites your stories, ideas, and questions at CathyKrafve.com. Truth with a Texas Twang.
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