Perfectionism is one quick short-circuit to a friendship, according to Tammy Whitehurst. Petticoats showing? Spinach in your teeth? Truly, all women struggle with weird worries, she reports. The temptation to look perfect is real. But perfect ain’t pretty!
Seriously, trying to be perfect doesn’t cure our anxiety. Instead, perfectionism creates more trouble. (For more about Tammy, including her personal story, click here.)
Ironically, perfectionism doesn’t make people run to you. On the contrary, it makes people run from you, according to Tammy.
“We feel like they’re just sizing us up and looking at every single crack we may have in our life.”
Maybe sometimes other people size us up, but not always, according to Tammy.
“Most of the time, I’ve found out they’re more worried about what they’re doing instead of what you’re doing.” (For insightful—often hilarious—insight from Tammy and her co-host Lauren Reeves, check out their Joy for the Journey podcasts, here.)
The Link to Loneliness
“Loneliness can be so tied in with anxiety,” says Tammy, siting technology as a contributing factor to modern loneliness. “We can take college courses from home and we can watch church from home. We can have our friends on Facebook from home.”
Can loneliness be the source of anxiety?
“Yes,” Tammy says. “When loneliness builds up, anxiety will creep in. What happens is we fall into a comparison trap.”
The Comparison Trap
“So, we fall into this comparison trap. All of a sudden we think that God just overlooked us.” Tammy points out the feeling God blinked somehow and He’s not seeing what we’re going through. “Loneliness creeps in. Anxiety creeps in. After that depression can come in.” (For more info about how God seeks you, click here.)
She ties our negative feelings back to the comparison trap. As if being perfect could make us more lovable somehow.
“All too often because of the comparison trap, we want people only to see the best side of us,” explains Tammy. “We think—wrongly—that if people see the best side of us they’re gonna like us more.”
Truly, though, people are not comfortable with perfection.
“But the truth is if people see we have weakness, that we can fall flat on our face, if people see that our knees can shake, we have tears running down our cheeks from time to time, that makes us real,” says Tammy. “When we’re real that’s so much better than perfectionism can ever be.”
Perfection Ain’t Pretty
“I often say Satan is like a buzzard, he picks people apart one painful piece at a time until he has devoured us. We have to decide that we are not gonna feed him.” She offers a serious solution to the battle with perfectionism.
“We have to realize we are far from perfect. The only perfection is Jesus,” Tammy says. “We always have the sneaking suspicion that if we check every box off—if we look perfect—then we’re gonna look more like Jesus. But that is just not how we were meant to be.”
Instead she talks with humor and insight about the courage to be real. Exactly what God made us to be. Really human.
Pulled Out of the Pit
“We are meant to show people Jesus. Part of that is when people can see the cracks in our life,” she says. “When people can see who we are and what we go through, then we can share with them what pulls us up out of the pit. What gets us going again, what forces us to stop what we’re doing and to really concentrate on what is important.”
Tammy shared so much in our interview, I hope you will click on it and listen in. I truly believe when we show our humanity, God’s divinity is honored. Pretending to be perfect is weird. (For more on how to be a creative woman of influence, click here.)
“We have to stop worrying about being bulletproof,” emphasizes Tammy. “We can’t take everything the world heaps upon us.” She insists one key to victory is seeing other people as partners, rather than competitors.
Compare, Compete or Collaborate
“When we collaborate rather than compete, life gets a lot easier,” she adds. “It takes all kinds of people with all kinds of gifts to make something great.” (For more on how to collaborate, check out Christian Communicators. To hear our interview with co-owner Lori Boruff, click here.)
Whether it’s a great business, a great church, a great community, or a great life, human imperfections open up room for creativity.
“Perfectionism tries to make everything perfect, everything with no margin whatsoever. We are human, there’s all kinds of margin of error in our makeup, Tammy says. “If we keep waiting for everything to be absolutely perfect—if we don’t find happiness where we are now—we’re gonna run out of time.”
Perfectly Human
We don’t have to compete and compare. Certainly, we don’t have to be concerned with self-righteousness, perfectionism, or negative self-talk. In fact, the challenges you wake up to today may be incredibly difficult.
If what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, we ought to be “bench pressing Buicks by this time,” according to Tammy. In fact, she even says, “Sometimes what doesn’t kill us will make us wish we were dead because it’s so hard!”
Instead of turning to perfectionism, we can turn to the perfect Savior. We don’t need to be perfect, Lord, we just need to be human. (For more on how to turn to God, click here.) So, how does turning to the Savior look in our daily life?
“You literally take time early in the morning to find the calm in the chaos,” explains Tammy, “To halt the hustle, to resist the rush to be perfect, to press pause to get content. When you are content, you will also find joy for your journey. You will also realize the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
Opening the treasure of our hearts, even the painful stuff, to share with others will increase the joy and companionship in our lives. “Don’t die with buried treasure,” she says. People let dreams die because they thought they had to do it perfectly.
“Cemeteries are filled with stories that were never told, books that were never written, jobs the were never taken, songs that were never sung, because we think we have to do it perfectly,” Tammy concludes. “Just step out on two-footed faith and say I’m gonna do it because this is what God called me to do.”
Coming Soon
Because we love you, dear listening and reading friend, we offer powerful and freeing messages in easy-to-share, loving formats. Please share them with your friends. (For direct access to our latest conversational adventures, podcasts, and blogs, click here.)
Next up, I’m thrilled to introduce you to nationally-known expert, Paula Silva. Domestic Violence is often an uncomfortable topic in many churches. Of course, the first and most important safe spot for women who suffer in silence with an abusive spouse should be her church.
Do you suspect your friend may be experiencing domestic violence? If so, you’ll love the practical suggestions Paula makes to help your church be a safe refuge. Stay tuned for Paula’s life-changing insight coming soon right here!
Plus, don’t miss the wisdom Dr. Stan Ward shares about Beating Burn-Out, just in time for Dad’s Day! (To sign up for free weekly ideas to foster communication and companionship in YOUR home and community, click here! And we sure hope you will!)
May We Pray Together?
Dear good Father, how grateful we are to be loved by You. You take our messes and make miracles. Thank you for creating us in our humanity-somehow a reflection of Your divinity. Help us be honest and real with each other. Teach us to glorify You in our daily circumstances and life’s imperfections. In Jesus’s name. Amen.
We LOVE to hear from YOU!
How have you learned to speak truth to your own heart? What encouragement has a friend offered you this week? What is your favorite “imperfection” about your best friend?
More Wisdom from Friends
We’re honored to interview some amazing folks for Fireside Talk Radio. With victory and joy, all our guests seem to highlight some common themes. For examples, click on any of our Fireside Talk Radio podcasts here. Look for Jeanette Hanscome, Janet McHenry, Cynthia Tobias, SharRon Jamison, Carol Clark, or Grace English, to name a few. Compassion, companionship, creativity, and conversation are our passions here at Camp Krafve.
You are dear to me!
Finding heroic people–one of the personal blessings of a culture-wide retreat. Thank you to all who are serving on the front lines. And to my fellow writers and bloggers who are persisting in creating positive messages–Go Team! I’m sending lots of love to all my reading, writing, and listening to friends. I hope you are taking good care of yourself in these uncertain times, finding creative ways to share your love.
Each time someone tells me our stories of heroic friends are blessing them, I rejoice! With joy, I recommit myself to the task of telling the stories and sharing the wisdom of champions. Thank you for the million ways you find to encourage me and my family. I am grateful!
Cathy Krafve, Columnist, Speaker, Blogger, Podcaster, and Christian Writer, invites your stories, ideas, and questions at CathyKrafve.com. Truth with a Texas Twang.
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