Conversation is the basis of all companionship, but how do we get our teenage daughters to talk to us? If only we could capture your daughter’s heart! Not to mention her attention for more than thirty seconds! Isn’t that the dream of all parents of teenage daughters? Let’s tune in.
“Teenagers look weird, they smell weird, they sound weird, but they’re not!” laughs Connections Expert DeeDee Lake. “They are just a walking big heart that needs love. If we see them the way Jesus sees them, we’re gonna love them.”
DeeDee’s Tips for Tuning In to Your Teenage Daughter
# 1 They Want Us to Be Adults
“Right now I think teenagers have the hardest time in history of being teenagers,” explains DeeDee. “They’re expected to be adults but yet they’re not allowed to be adults.” For that reason, we need to have a lot of compassion on the teenagers we love. Plus, we need to act like adults.
“They want us, first of all, to be adults to them. They don’t want us to be their best friend,” she adds.
#2 Love Teenage Daughters Where They Are
“They want us to love them where they are,” she says, “but also to encourage them to be the best they can be.” (For DeeDee’s own story, including the possible suicide of a friend, click here.)
That may mean being positive even when they mess up.
“They want you to sow those seeds in of encouragement, and positivity, just so they know this person believes in me,” explains DeeDee.
A teenage daughter may make some decisions her parents don’t like. All her choices may not be clear to her; she may need to figure it out. But DeeDee says a teenage daughter needs to believe “this person is gonna be with me and help me through that.”
#3 Mentor Them
Mentoring may not be as hard as we thing, whether it’s our own teenage daughter or someone else.
“For me, mentoring is just about Jesus did with his disciples. He walked with them. He talked with them, ate with them, he slept with them. That’s what we need to do,” says DeeDee
If we stay engaged in our teenage daughter’s life, we’ll be there when she has a question.
“So when they have a question, they can just turn to their side and you’re already there. It’s just about talking to them; about that communication,” she adds. (For more about the women who mentored DeeDee, click on the above podcast or go here.)
#4 Listen Carefully
Carving out a moment to listen is key. Giving them your full attention may be as simple as changing a few habits. (For more from my daughter Ellen and me about how great conversations create intimacy, click here.)
“Reaching them with things they would like to do. We do that with adults all the time,” DeeDee says. “We sift through what that adult would enjoy doing and we invite them to do that with us. Have a cup of coffee.” But, as you listen, she offers a reminder.
“They love to be treated like an adult, but listen like they’re a child,” she laughs. “Because with a child you really have to listen or you might agree with something you shouldn’t!” (For simple ways to get healthy male role models for your teenage daughter, click on Tony Johnson’s interview.)
#5 Help Your Church Understand Your Teenage Daughter
We may need to think creatively. Especially when talking with teenagers girls. (For why your daughters are at risk and how to “porn-proof” your kids, click here.)
“It may take you as the adult, as the mentor, stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something you might not be that comfortable with.” DeeDee reports, yet kids understand when we try something new and perhaps uncomfortable for us. “They admire you for doing that. It gives them strength, and purpose, and courage also by you doing that for them.”
So, how can churches can be more teenager friendly and welcoming?
As a congregation, churches may need to stretch a bit to do things for teenagers. Start by observing the needs of your closest neighbors around your congregation. For example, maybe you invite the teenagers in your neighborhood for coffee at the church. Maybe you offer a special Bible Study for teens or an outreach like tutoring or suicide prevention. (To invite DeeDee to speak at your next event, click here.)
Great Resource For Churches and Families
DeeDee and her husband mentored for years. She frequently speaks to audiences of young moms and couples. But God impressed on her the urgency to reach women early, while they are young teens. Thus, she wrote Next Step. You’ve Accepted Jesus…Now What?
“I feel like I’m walking beside these young girls,” explains DeeDee. She prayed for teenage girls throughout the process as she wrote her book. Then, remembering how alone she felt after she became a Christian, DeeDee went a step further.
“I’ve created five videos that go with the book, too. They can see me talking to them,” she says.
Tuning In With Your Teenage Daughter
“When they walk in the room you stop for a minute, put the TV on pause, mute it, so they know they are more important than anything else that’s going on. It’s a great message to give them,” says DeeDee.
She and her hubby started the habit when her kids were young.
“When they would walk in the room, no matter what we were doing we would stop and look at them and smile,” she says. “We wanted them to know they were loved.”
She chuckles now about her son’s reaction at first.
“What? Am I in trouble?”
I confess, I bet even my adult kids would love for me to look up when they show up unexpected at my office, instead of trying to keep writing while they talk to me!
Speaking of Listening
Speaking of listening, thank YOU for reading and listening to the interviews we bring each week. YOU are our partner in the gospel.
We really love and support women. When friends like DeeDee show up with great wisdom, it makes us so happy! We are proud of YOU and we pray God will use you this week in the lives of those you love.
Men are listening in, too. We think it’s because men wonder how women talk when the guys aren’t in the room. Yep, Fireside Talk Radio is exactly how women talk when it’s just us. If you’re a guy, we welcome you into the conversation. We’re proud of you and your leadership.
People who listen to podcasts and read blogs are self-educating, self-learning people. That’s YOU and we’re grateful!
I can’t count all the mentors I’ve had over the years. Most recently, all the editors and designers at Elk Lake Publishing who brought my first book to completion. (To order your copy, click here.)
We are so happy you care about teenagers. We’re praying for your every success as you create the conversations leading to deep fellowship with your teenage daughters and everyone you love!
Up Next
The Well is available online. ❤️ ❤️ You can get your copy here.
To follow my author page, click here. (I’m giddy about having an author page and a book on Amazon!!)
Our daughters are planning some special launch events. And book signings!! Please help us get the word out. To join the Launch Team, click here. To join our Book Club, click here.
Then, too, our long-awaited interview with Sarah Van Hook is coming soon. Today, Sarah is a therapist, specializing in pediatric and geriatric emotional and mental health. Plus, she’s Deb Butterfield’s daughter. (For Deb’s book, Carried by Grace, click here.)
May we pray together?
Dear good Father, We love You! So much is happening in our world and honestly, Father, we just worry about our kids. We want to pray, but we worry. Help us trust You as we tune in to our families. Give us the grace we need to love our kids and grandkids exactly where they are. Teach us to respond to our teenagers in ways that honor them and draw out their potential. Help us as we coach them to be the person You designed. Give us wisdom as we take positive messages and help from our churches into our communities. Reveal the truth we need to share to bolster freedom and peace. We ask You to bless us now because that’s Your heart’s desire. In Jesus’s name. Amen.
We LOVE to hear from YOU!
Why conversations do you wish you could have today? What experts would you like for us to interview on Fireside Talk Radio? How can we serve you?
Cathy Krafve, Columnist, Speaker, Blogger, Podcaster, and Christian Writer, invites your stories, ideas, and questions at CathyKrafve.com. Truth with a Texas Twang.
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