One of my friends told me she felt guilty because there were so many good things to do. Busy? Yep, families are running ragged these days. So, why in the world would we add one more thing to our schedule? Why volunteer?

Well, it’s the month of love, so it’s a great time to talk about volunteering. Plus, it’s a new year; time to shake things up. (Happy late Valentine’s by the way. ❤️ )

Today, Anna and I talk about how volunteering can shape your family for generations to come. In all the best ways. Especially when it comes to teaching kids to respect others.  And don’t we need more respect in our culture today!

Of course, there are a thousand good things to do. How do we find time to volunteer this year? Commit to what is best for your family; let the rest go.

My friend knew what was best but wondered if she was cheating her family by saying “no” to other good stuff. The answer is absolutely not. Time with family is limited. Our kids grow up. We have to make a the most of our time together now. 

Volunteering: Boundaries and Self-respect

Anna remembers learning early that self-respect could undergird all her relationships, informing healthy boundaries. 

“Do you remember you began teaching me this in first grade? It’s vivid to me because I have applied this to the rest of my existence. Because you identified who I was,” she asked me. 

Nope, I don’t remember that at all!

“I had a dear classmate who really needed physical affection. Because I had a tender heart and never wanted to turn anyone away, she was in my space all the time.”

Okay, now it’s coming back to me. I do remember giving Anna some clear lessons on how to take a step back when a friend gets too close too often. 

“How to change my body language a little so I could still love that friend, enjoy her company, but not be overwhelmed by her need for physical affection,” adds Anna. Which brings us to a good definition of respectful. 

Camp Krafve Definition of Respectful: Aware of God’s image in self and others, therefore able to steward relationships wisely.

As promised, here’s the link for our Camp Krafve Definition Dictionary.

Compassion vs. Codependency

One of my pet peeves is confusing codependence with compassion. 

We’re living in a culture where folks want to make themselves feel better by “helping” others. 

As you plan volunteer moments for your family, beware of organizations with the dangerous tendency to keep people living in a victimhood status, rather than helping them heal and overcome. 

Instead, look for nonprofits, churches, and organizations who build ongoing relationships that include mutual accountability. If God is in the process, everyone gets a blessing. You should see humility and growth in everyone; the leadership, the staff, the donors, the clients, and the volunteers.

The real question should be, How do we help people without accidentally hurting them? In other words, can we help people without accidentally making them weaker and their life worse and more dependent?

Volunteering really sets the stage to teach our kids what healthy respect looks like.

The Benefits of Volunteering

There are so many benefits of volunteering, Anna and I had trouble limiting our list. But here are a few we discussed further in today’s podcast. 

Volunteering—

• Helps teach healthy respect, rather than codependence.
• Develop good character in us and our kids
• Allows you to connect with others.
• Focuses some family time on serving,
• Teaches kids to steward their time wisely, saying “no” to the good to make room for the best.
• Respectful of others and their needs without being codependent,
• Develops skill sets and builds confidence
• Differentiate each child’s unique interests, and
• Gives parents a glimpse of their children’s callings, 
• Serving becomes part of their life.

Yes, our list is long, but Anna adds one more thought. “It is a wonderful gift in life to know you’re needed.”

The Purpose of Life

One of the fundraisers for our local kids’ science museum, Discovery Science Place, involved putting handprints on the wall. Our kids were really young when Mom took them downtown for a handprint.

“In my heart, volunteering is like a thread through a weaving in my life. I love all the memories and stories I have where I got to know my grandparents better,” Anna says, adding, “Or my best friend better. When you work alongside someone it developed fellowship and shared memories and shared vocabulary.”

We’re created by God to be together with Him and with each other. The whole purpose of life is to share.

Speaking of memories with Mema, my Mom was there on the day we sign bricks in order to raise money for the Tyler Museum of Art back in my childhood. That’s two generations of hidden names Mom sponsored on buildings around town!

“Both my grandmothers were this way. They had different callings, invested in different parts of the community, but invited their grandkids just like we were their grown adult friends,” Anna remembers. 

What fun memories! Memories that still inform Anna’s heart when volunteering today. 

“My earliest memories of volunteering with my grandmothers—maybe it was earlier than this and I don’t remember—I think I was 5 or 6 with my earliest memories.”

Say No to Busy

We really do have to be careful with family time. How do we steward our family time carefully? By saying no to all the good stuff we make room for what is best. No one wants to be BUSY. Ugh!

“Part of being ready is being available. If I went out seeking volunteer opportunities for my family that were not the ones God had for us, I would be filling our time with commitments we’d have to follow through on and we wouldn’t be ready. You have to be available to be ready,” Anna explains.

Join a Strong Lineage

Maybe as you read this, you feel cheated because no one pointed you in the direction of volunteering when you were young.  Good news! We can transfer strength to you via our stories. 

You can be the person your children and grandchildren describe later describe as a powerful, servant leader. One who knew when to stand alone. The individual who gathered people together for the good of all. Your children and grandchildren can bless your name long after you’re gone.

In the last chapter of Marriage Conversations, I invite reading friends to join the long line of strong people who came before us. We filled the book with stories of strength, many from my own mom. You are invited to read my mom’s stories and learn from her. She was amazing. 

Martin Luther King respectfully corrected a whole culture, invited us to join him, and gave up his life in the process. Here are his words:

“Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve…. You don’t have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Even in our frailties and our mistakes, volunteering teaches us and our kids the inherent gifts we have to offer.

Volunteering in the BEST Ways

If you prayerfully create an opportunity for your children to volunteer, you’ll teach them to serve.  Volunteering lets us love each other, just out of the pure sweetness of it. Without getting paid, we get to try out jobs. 

Best of all, serving becomes part of our family life. We teach our kids to respect others’ inherent value. To respect the goodness God puts in each individual. 

“It will bless your whole family, for generations to come with fellowship,” adds Anna.

With joy, we pray something we shared today makes you feel stronger and more capable. Our prayer is God blesses you with an ongoing vision for how He wants you to coach and train and love your beautiful family. The beautiful stewardship and ministry God has given you. 

🙂

cathy

May we pray together?

Dear good Father, we pray something we shared today makes our reading friends feel stronger and more capable. God please bless us with an ongoing vision for how You want us to coach, train, and love our beautiful families. Help us steward wisely to make the most of the ministry You have given each one of us. Help us honor You moment by moment. Bless us all now because that is Your heart’s desire. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

A Personal Prayer Request

God has put it on my heart to provide resources to small churches.

In April, at our home church, Galilee in Flint, we’re presenting Inside Out Church, a chance for our neighbors to stop by and enjoy a little outdoor worship with us. And a hotdog. (I really love hotdogs. Or as David would say, “Cathy, you like hotdogs, you love me.”) If you think your church might want to host an Inside Out Church, let us know. Galilee would love to help.

I am also praying about spending more of my time in 2024 offering resources to small churches, especially in my own neck of the woods. Contact me, if you want to know more about how to:

• cultivate better communication in your church, or 
• sponsor resources for small churches to grow in better communication.

We LOVE to Hear From YOU!

What has a friend said to you that communicated deep respect? Which ways does your family love volunteering the most? Would you be interested in helping us bring communication resources to small churches? If so, keep reading below. ❤️

So Many Resources

Speaking of great resources, Anna and I do tons of fun stuff together. Hit the Conversations with Anna Button for the list. We create tools and resources so you can spark up great conversational adventures.

And, don’t miss our experts. I love getting them on record about the stuff we don’t usually talk about at church!

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Click here to find our books: Marriage Conversations: from co-existing to cherished, The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations 

❤️❤️❤️

Cathy Krafve, host of Fireside Talk Radio and author of The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations and Marriage Conversation: From Coexisting to Cherished. We welcome your stories, ideas, and questions at CathyKrafve.com. 

❤️Truth with a Texas Twang! ❤️

That’s how we see you. And we are grateful for YOU!