As I drove by Galilee Baptist Church week after week I could feel His Holy Spirit gently nudging me to stop in. A white gal in a black church? Nope. Maybe some community activist type. Surely, not me
“I’m too pigment-challenged for that church, Lord. They’re not gonna want me,” I responded day after day, week after week for several years.
Finally, I visited. Just once. So I thought.
White Gal. Black Church. First Impressions
I cried through the first service. And the second. And the third.
O brother. These people will think I’m a nut.
I also sweated a lot. Stress sweat.
Oh brother. These people will think I don’t wear deodorant.
I had to talk myself through feeling like a sore thumb, sticking out and definitely NOT fitting in.
Oh brother, don’t be such a wimp. Every person but you in this sanctuary has been the lone black person in a sea of white people. Just get over it.
If you’ve never experienced being in the minority alone, I highly recommend it as an exercise in awareness. We all need insight on overcoming our prejudices.
Loving Things The Way They Are
Finally, after about three months of Sundays, Pastor Williams met me in the parking lot.
“Sister Cathy, you are welcome to join us.”
“Yes sir. But I like this church exactly the way it is. If I join it will change.”
He chuckled at that.
He told me to think about it and take all the time I needed for prayer.
“It’s like a marriage, pastor, once I commit, you’re stuck with me,” I told him.
Drifting Apart
I wasn’t planning to share this, but maybe it will be helpful. David and I had drifted away from the churches we started our marriage in. Simply, we weren’t getting fed. We felt like we were starving to death.
We needed better understanding from God’s word. If you contact me and ask for it, I’ll send you a list of my favorite study reference books.
Sure, we easily recognized the difference between Biblical truth and subtle, creeping man-made traditions. But not well enough to articulate what we noticed.
Fortunately, David led us to take a step back and study harder. We were blessed with some terrific mentors who without hesitation began to meet with us in a home church.
Encamped Among Warriors
By the time God convinced me to visit Galilee, I was stepping into a new ministry. With pure determination, faith, and a ton of trembling, I began to speak about my abortion in public. Really hard to do.
I was surrounded by giant warrior women of the faith. But I needed regular prayer for the battle ahead. Only I didn’t know it yet.
When God nudged me to go to Galilee, I just thought it was one of those little testing things He seems to do sometimes. Does He seriously test us with little cupcake moments? You know, one of those baby-sized “trials” we whine about?
I kinda doubt it. Simply put, the universe does not revolve around my babycake boo-hoo-hoos. Who knew?
I think my flesh just needed a reminder that He has my best interests at heart. Not just mine either, but Galilee’s, too. Plus, He wanted to encamp prayer warriors around me and my family. Thus, Galilee.
Sunday is for Worship
Have you ever had someone ask you how you’re doing and instead of saying fine, you tell the truth? It took me awhile to realize I was messing up the vibe. Black Christians often looked at me like I’m crazy when I actually shared the truth about pain in my life. Especially in the sanctuary on Sunday morning.
There’s an unwritten boundary that Sunday morning is for putting aside problems and focusing on God’s character. It’s a No Fear Zone.
Once I got used to the boundary, I found I liked having a couple of worry-free hours on Sunday morning. All around me, I knew folks were hurting, too, but we save our sorrow for the prayer segment of the morning. Then, we pray urgently and specifically. Otherwise, we put aside burdens for a moment.
First Courtship, Then Commitment
Once I got through the courtship stage of my relationship with my new church and committed to full fledged membership, I was delighted with all the nuances. Of course, it was a two way street, as real commitment always is.
I waited patiently as some folks needed more time to trust me. Trust is a funny thing. Distrust can rear its ugly head in some unexpected ways. For instance, has anyone ever treated you with too much care?
I knew I was accepted as a real sister when folks started offering me not-so-gentle correction. Okay, now that feels like ALL the churches I’ve ever been a part of. People have their ideas and they are quick to tell ya. That is, when they accept you as part of the team.
At first, I also noticed one or two of my new black friends were suspicious in ways that seemed prejudiced against all white people, at least to me. Obviously, they didn’t know me well enough to seriously dislike me yet, right? Had they ever had a white friend? Maybe not. I don’t know. I don’t care.
The nice thing about being a social dork is most people relax around me pretty quickly. So I just waited until I did something laughable and the ice melted.
Desegregating Sunday?
If I have any advice for pastors wanting to desegregate their congregations, I’d offer a few key points:
#1 Recruit staff members from a variety of backgrounds.
People like to see leaders who will be able to speak on behalf of their perspectives in leadership meetings. If your church leadership is all older white (or black) males, you might ask yourself this question, “Why don’t we have qualified, mature believers from different perspectives clamoring to join our mission?”
#2 Follow Jesus’ Example and Step Through Man-Made Cultural Boundaries
In an excellent example, Jesus did not let the cultural prejudices of His day–including His own disciples’ prejudices–limit Him. For instance, He habitually honored the wisdom inherent in women. Find a perfect example in John 4:27.
Understand Jesus respected women and often put them in leadership roles. All the women in your church—hopefully that’s 50% of your congregation–will feel more comfortable if they know a female perspective is heard and respected in your staff meetings.
Plus, women are natural wisdom seekers. (I back up this biblical claim in my book, The Well.) A woman on staff brings wisdom to the table.
Accidental Series of Conversational Adventures
Next week, I’ll offer a few of the things Black Churches seem to do exceptionally well. If you missed it, the first in this (accidental) series is Racism Vs. Prejudice: Inspiring Bold and Noble Ideas.
Then, I’ll finish off this series with a bunch of ideas about how each of us can step over man-made, self-segregating boundaries.
Recently, I was inspired by a conversation with my beloved friend, Linda Kreter, on her show, Wise Health for Women Radio. You can find a sneak peak here. It’s worth listening just to hear Linda’s gentle voice and even dearer heart.
Historically Black Churches I Love In East Texas
Here are a few black churches where all visitors are warmly welcomed and respected. These are a few I especially love. Of course, I bet there are tons more. Please don’t go as do-gooders, hoping to “help” the church. These churches are awesome the way they are.
In Chandler, Macedonia Baptist. In Bullard, New Hope Baptist Church or Corinth Baptist. St. Louis Baptist Church in Tyler.
And of course, just south of Tyler, near Flint, our own church, Galilee Baptist. You can find lots of stuff on Galilee’s website. We’re online for now, but building. So watch for our first worship in our new sanctuary soon.
Publicly Personal
Last week, with my blog on the difference between prejudice and racism, I got more feedback than I expected. Everybody encouraged me.
I haven’t ever put my thoughts out there in public on this topic. Because I feel vulnerable about any natural prejudices I may harbor unknowingly. We all have blind spots.
At least one person offered insight I can’t get anywhere else. Yep, correction. I’m grateful for her generous insight. Such vulnerability is rare and it’s a sign of commitment to our friendship. (You know who you are and I love you, dear one.)
Each week, I am amazed at everyone who lets me know they are paying attention. How can we join together to change our culture in good ways? We think it happens one healthy conversation at a time. Sometimes, it even means embracing personal conversational adventures, perhaps in public conversations, too.
You are welcome to join us. In private or in public. We really LOVE our land and ALL the people who live here. We believe you do, too! And we are grateful for YOU.
🙂
Cathy
We LOVE to hear from YOU!
How has God prompted you to step out of your comfort zone? What’s your favorite thing about your own church? When have you triumphed at crossing over man-made, self-segregating boundaries?
May we pray together?
Dear good Father, You love variety. It could be one of Your favorite things about Your creation. It’s like Your creativity just could NOT be contained but spilled over into variety everywhere! As humans, we divide along the dumbest lines. Please help us, good Father, to understand our commonality. While respecting the divergent paths You choose for us. Teach us to welcome many, many more into Your kingdom. Help us have the courage to always choose freedom from bondage and devotion to You. Bless us now because that’s Your heart’s desire. In Jesus’ mighty name we pray. Amen.
Special Shout Out
Speaking of creativity, David and I are taking pottery classes for the next few weeks. Very dirty. Very romantic in a chill kinda way. Lots of young people laughing.
So here’s a shout out to Jeff Clement, owner of Adjusting Sails Dirtworks Pottery (near True Vine), his sidekick, artist Kat, and all our wonderful and fun classmates.
Naturally, I think of Kat as the red-headed Vanna White of clay. Only funnier.
Your Own Upcoming Adventures
Conversational Adventures
Are you dreaming of your own conversational adventures? Could the right conversation change everything in your life? How can we take a deep breath and step into our fear of rejection?
At Camp Krafve, we’re creating tools to help you pass along bold, noble ideas.
Share a Book, Write a Review
People are telling us they love our books. We’re so happy they are helping. Please consider buying two. One to bless yourself and one to bless someone else! ❤️
Then, help us by writing a review. And THANK YOU!!!!
For Marriage Conversations: https://Amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=1936501562
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Cathy Krafve, speaker, host of Fireside Talk Radio, and author of The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations and Marriage Conversation: From Coexisting to Cherished. We invite you to join the Fireside Tribe. Truth with a Texas Twang
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