Our world sure needs more wholehearted marriages! Scott Kedersha and his family have experienced two different thriving churches now. Why are some churches thriving? Perhaps the secret is in the way they welcome brokenhearted people.

Aren’t we all brokenhearted at one time or another? Of course, we all get hurt by Life’s crises! So how do we go from brokenhearted to wholehearted in our marriage?

I felt so lucky to score an interview with a very influential, yet down-to-earth guy.

Normal Guy With a Heart for Marriage

Scott is husband to Kristen for twenty years and father of four boys. Yes. Four boys. I’d say that’s enough street cred right there!

Scott serves as Marriage Pastor at Harris Creek Church in Waco, Texas. Is a marriage pastor on staff a thing at savvy churches? I hope so.

He began at Watermark Community Church in Dallas, home of the Re/Engage ministry sweeping the country and changing lives. (Catch my interview with Re/Engage Director Susan Cox.)

Podcast: My interview with Scott

In this episode, Scott shares much more about how to create wholehearted marriages. Talk about personal! We even groan together about our mutual struggles with weight gain, and loss, and oh yeah, gain. Plus, we even laugh about in-laws and all the other ways God redeems families through marriage. Find more on Fireside Talk Radio.

Self-Protection: The Enemy of Wholehearted Marriages

“It’s sad we have such self-protection. We don’t want to let people in. We hear it all the time, but people don’t want to let others in; they want to protect,” reports Scott. “They want to hide and they want to come across with the right image. And they’re hurting.” 

Lovingly, there are churches wanting to talk about how Jesus came to help us and give us a better way to live, especially in wholehearted marriages.

“Somehow, we need to get used to the fact that we all have our stuff. And it looks different for each of us. But we don’t need to self-protect and hide,” he says. “We need to learn to be open and honest.” (Find his book Ready or Knot: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have before Marriage.)

Scott’s Story

“I grew up in the Northeast,” he begins. “In High School, I was successful in all the ways you want to be successful. Got into a great school for college. Same thing there, you know, successful in every worldly way.”

But outward appearances don’t always tell the whole story. In spite of all his friendships and success, inside he describes a brokenhearted mess.

“Suicidal. Empty. Great grades. Lots of friends. Everyone knew me, but I hated myself,” he says listing the painful facts like a grocery list many of us have experienced. “Miserable. Sexual sin from the past that I was ashamed of. Overweight. Looking at pornography.” 

Barely in his twenties, he wanted to kill himself because he felt so empty. Fortunately, his story doesn’t end there.

“A friend shared the gospel with me for the first time and it wasn’t an immediate conversion. It took some time for it to sink in. But for the first time, I really had hope,” Scott says.

Baggage Weighing Down Wholehearted Marriages

As we talked, I kept forgetting Scott’s a pastor because he’s so normal and down-to-earth.

Even in the most wholehearted marriages, baggage gets in the way. Bad attitudes, past mistakes, family backgrounds, current addictions, job stresses, kid responsibilities, hard-heartedness, pride. (Scott mentioned When Sinners Say “I Do”: Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage by Dave Harvey as another good resource. )

Plus, what about our human ineptness when it comes to communication? Yep, there’s a lot working against marriage on a good day!

Marriage is a GIFT

“Marriage is hard. There’s no such thing as compatibility. It’s two sinners married to one another,” responds Scott, “But I think one of the problems is we always talk about how hard marriage is. I move to change the message. Marriage is so much better than we think it is as well!” (Find Jack Sharpe’s thoughts about discovering the glory God hides in your wife.)

With insight, Scott points out that the Church may be guilty of delivering only half a message when it comes to marriage. After all, who would want to be married when all they hear about is the painful stuff?

“They choose to be single because they never hear anyone talk about how incredible it is,” says Scott. “So that’s kind of one of my life goals is to help change the way people see marriage as an absolute gift. Even though it’s hard, let’s see it as a gift. Not just something to endure and bear.

Number One Sinner

Eventually, Scott began to understand why Paul describes himself as the chief sinner. 

“This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.”~ 1 Timothy 1:15, NKJV

“I would look at myself as the biggest problem in my marriage,” explains Scott, “But to really believe that I am the chief sinner in my marriage. Not Kristen. Not my kids. But me.

“And that was turning point moment in our marriage in my walk with Jesus because I really realized I have to work on myself more than anybody else,” he says. “That really informs the way I look at marriage, at our challenges. Just to say, ‘I’ve got to work on me and then our marriage will improve.’”

Everybody wishes for a spouse with THAT attitude.

Scott is onto something BIG 

Researching Marriage Conversations, I was blown away to discover NOW is the best time in the history of the world to be married. Does that surprise you? It did me. 

Plus, marriage is a naturally corrective, redeeming process. For instance, when it comes to breaking generational bondages, there’s nothing like marriage. In fact, you may just have to create a great marriage, in spite of your parents. 

So I asked Scott to give us wives some handy tips culled from his beloved wife, Kristen. But guys, if you’re listening and reading, too, you’re welcome here.

-Sacrificial and selfless. For example, Scott references the way Kristen picked up extra roles around the house with the kids to create time for him to write for a season. 

-Walk with the Lord. “She is so easy to love because of her relationship with the Lord. and how that applies and flows out of her life. She is forgiving, understanding, gracious,” he says.

-Live in community. “She’s got really great women around her, and always has, that challenge her. And hopefully I do the same. It’s not good for us to live alone. Genesis 2:18 is a marriage and family verse.”

“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” ~ Genesis 2:18 NKJV

–Have fun. “She’s a great boy mom. That’s what she outnumbered severely. It’s five boys, plus we got a male dog,” he says with a laugh.

“She’s an absolute  champ. I am a thankful and grateful husband.”

From Heartbroken to Wholehearted

Once David and I started talking about how we were struggling in our marriage, lo and behold, we discovered all around us were people who were facing the same challenges! 

Who knew? Clearly, I thought everybody else had perfect marriages and I was the loser. Instead, I discovered David and I were two normal people with a lot to learn about communication.

Years ago, when some close friends at Watermark started coming together with other couples in an authentic, non-threatening approach to marriage, I paid close attention.

Claiming Community and Whole Hearts

Clearly, we all face challenges in marriage. Could the right kind of community foster wholehearted marriages? Can practical, simple ways for normal folks to help each other really exist? The answer is a big fat YES!

Now, Watermark and churches all over the globe are offering these same principles through Re/Engage. Scott was among those first to try this open, authentic approach to caring for each other in community.

I really LOVE Scotts emphasis on the joy that comes from creating a wholehearted marriage. Yes, it’s a ton of work, but the rewards far outweigh the sacrifice when you finally get it right!

I pray each of us in every church do whatever we can to support this kind of wholehearted commitment to marriage.

🙂

cathy

We LOVE to hear from YOU!

Which conversation do you thin your community needs to have? What is the risk associated with bringing up that topic? How can church support you as you start a gentle life-changing conversation?

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Plus, a Gigantic thank you to all who are sharing my books with your friends. The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations. or The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations. All your feedback overwhelms and humbles us! (If you love the books, too, and want to get them for your Bible Study or Sunday school or, heck, any group, just let me know.)

May we pray together?

Dear good Father, You start a conversational adventure with us and we call it prayer. You listen to our complaining and our groaning when life gets tough. Your beautiful, gentle Spirit offers comfort and help, if we will but listen. Teach us to hear You, Dear Lord. Inspire us to have the humble, tender conversations that unite family and community. Bless us now because that’s Your heart’s desire. In Jesus’s name. Amen

Thank You from the Bottom of My Heart!

Naturally, YOU are a crucial part of what we do. We depend on each other to spread these great messages we’re gathering from trusted, victorious leaders.

With joy, we already hear stories of how our books are equipping readers to have life-changing conversational adventures. Your reports delight our family and all our friends!

P.S. More Adventures For YOU!

Especially if you love❤️ the books 😉, you can help by writing a review on Amazon:

• For Marriage Conversations: https://Amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=1936501562
• For The Well:  https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B08M4G1Q6Z

Coming Soon to this Blog–

Next week, Scott returns to talk about how to make marriages strong, even before you tie the knot.

Perhaps today’s broadcast fills you with hope and courage to claim a whole, unbroken heart in your marriage. If so, please share this blog or Scott’s book.

Then in an added bonus, I’ll be posting two interviews of me, with my friends Sandra Beck and Angie Ruark soon. You won’t want to miss the serious, silly, and always unexpected stuff both these delightful hosts draw out of me. Oh my!

Additionally, talented Texan Miles Pike, musician, husband, and daddy to three, joins me to talk about how music inspires the hearts of your kiddos. Great stuff!

And Don’t Forget– Of course, you can invite me to join your Sunday school class, book club, or conference in person or through a special zoom link. (Contact me to join you.)

You are Invited to join the Fireside Tribe TEAM!

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Best of all, you’ll help us push positive messages out there into a universe in desperate need of good stuff. THANK YOU!!! 

Last, if books and book-writing are for YOU, don’t miss my list of great people who can help.

More Great Quotes

Finally, I can’t resist learning things the easy way. So here are a few of my favorite quotes about creative conversations from recent guests on the show:

“The reality is, most married couples don’t love to communicate or resolve conflict. We’re not good at it, it’s rarely modeled well, and it takes so much time and effort to do it with success…. All our lives we’re taught to win, defend, and prove our point.” ~Scott Kedersha, pp. 37-38 from this book: Ready or Knot?: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have before Marriage

“I showed up broken and wanting to hide,” says Susan Cox, Director of Re/Engage, about the first time she came to her church, Watermark Community Church.

“The adventure is in believing that (where) God is taking your family, your children, so much is hidden away in this spouse of yours. The husband’s job is to dig it out. Well, that makes for an exciting life.” ~Jack Sharpe

With joy, we invite you to sign up for all our Camp Krafve Fireside Talk Radio FREE blogs and interviews.

Cathy Krafve, Speaker, Blogger, Podcaster, and author of The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations and Marriage Conversation: From Coexisting to Cherished. We invite you to join the Fireside Tribe. Truth with a Texas Twang.