Shunning and rejection go together like the naughty sisters in Cinderella. So self-serving and misguided!
Shunning and rejection are painful! Shunning is a way of shutting down conversation and withdrawing companionship in order to control another person. Shunning is just another way to reject folks. Modern folks don’t use the term shunning much in families or churches today, but we still suffer when it happens.
Why is shunning unhealthy? Because, like a stroke divides the human body, so shunning and rejection divide families, churches, and communities.
The S-Word Modern Folks Never Say Out Loud
Interestingly, Satan rejects, not God. Rather than rejecting us, God seeks us out, even paying the price for our sin in order to have close companionship with us. God sent Jesus to pay the price for our mistakes, our frailties, even our aptitude for sin.
Yep, I said it. The S-word. Sin. Shunning is an S-word, too.
What is it with modern people? We don’t like to talk about sin unless we point the finger at someone else’s sin! Confessing my own sin, ahem, that’s just awkward! And we never talk about shunning!
Shunning and Rejection: The Devil’s Play Book
Like the best, most loving coach ever, when you look in God’s play book, you find unfailing love, initiating love, self-sacrifice, and healthy instructions with our best interests at heart. God is the perfectly loving parent many of us only dream about emulating. Who could resist such bountiful, extravagant love?
What’s in the devil’s playbook? Pretty icky stuff like rejection, self-condemnation, self-righteousness, and yep, shunning.
Shunning and Rejection Paralyze Us
Like a stroke, shunning and rejection paralyze us. When a person has a stroke, often one side of their body no longer communicates with the other side of their body. Like a stroke divides the body, so shunning and rejection divide families, churches, and communities.
My grandmother spent the last years of her life paralyzed on her left side due to a stroke. Shunning in the body of Christ is like a self-inflicted stroke where part of the body no longer talks to the rest of the body. (For more on why judging others equates to blasphemy, check out our Fact Box Video, here.)
Shunning and Rejection in Church. Really?
With church buildings sitting half full on Sundays, can we risk being paralyzed? Unable to communicate freely within our churches, how can we possibly expect to comfort and build up the communities around us?
Clearly, we need to put aside pettiness and unite the body of Christ with love for each other and everyone else. Fortunately, Jesus expressed His own commitment to this process of loving each other, even when it feels tough.
“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35 NKJV). As Christians, if we fail to love each other, well…. Okay, I think we just circled back to the S-word. Not that it’s easy to keep on loving, especially in the face of rejection.
Healing in Community
Hopefully, as believers, we simultaneously offer healing and community, even as we all struggle with our own sin nature. Living in community means sharing life’s struggles. However, shunning and rejection foster isolation. In one of my favorite quotes ever on Fireside Talk Radio, Sandy Bristow explained how isolation works.
“Healing happens in community, not isolation,” even though your instincts tell you to isolate, she says, “Isolation is where the devil takes you to go in for the kill.” Sandy pointed out how healthy people seek comfort from others. (You’ll find more of Sandy’s wisdom here.)
A Symptom of Self-condemnation
Frequently, though, unhealthy people isolate themselves or others. Regrettably, condemnation serves as a pre-curser to shunning and rejection. In fact, condemning others is often a symptom of self-condemnation.
Conversely, God longs to equip us with powerful tools for reconciliation. Of all the amazing miracles God offers those who seek Him, self-reconciliation may be the most powerful. Once freed from self-condemnation, we freely offer grace to others.
Tools for Reconciliation
Blessedly, at least three tools for reconciliation come to my mind as I meditate on what shunning and rejection mean in our families, churches, and communities:
- Forgiveness for each other,
- Truth from the Scripture, and
- Vision for the future.
I bet I missed a bunch more ways t reconcile. Please send me your ideas! I like what my own pastor says about the drama that inevitably pops up whenever folks gather together, “We (Christians) don’t have time for foolishness.”
We Are Loved, Even in Our Worst Moments
God seeks us out even in our worst moments. He seeks us out for companionship with Him and pays for our sin if we will but accept his payment. He postpones His day of judgement, relying on the law of consequences to confirm us or correct us, drawing us into fellowship with him.
Respecting the free will He gave us, He does not reject us even though we often reject Him. Brothers and sisters, in order to be like Him we need to put aside shunning and rejection.
More Wisdom
Lately, we’ve interviewed some amazing folks who offered insight on related topics. For example, click on any of our Fireside Talk Radio podcasts by Jeanette Hanscome, Janet McHenry, Cynthia Tobias, SharRon Jamison, Carol Clark, or Grace English for more insight about letting go of condemnation and offering compassion instead. Plus, we loved what Chris Legg said in a recent sermon about race and the border crisis.
May we pray together?
Dear perfectly loving Father, we praise You because You are the God who loves unfailingly. You love us, even seek us out, in our sin. Forgive us when we shun others. We know You love the most desperate sinner, yet we withhold our love. Oh, how we want to be like You, loving with compassion and mercy. Give us the grace to forgive those who sun us. Let us see into broken hearts and give the love You bestow without restraint. In Jesus’s name. Amen.
We love to hear from you!
How have you shown love in the face of rejection? Any tips for knowing when it’s time to withdraw from unhealthy relationships? When you felt like isolating, how has someone comforted you?
Cathy Krafve, Columnist, Speaker, Blogger, Podcaster, and Christian Writer, invites your stories, ideas, and questions at CathyKrafve.com. Truth with a Texas Twang.
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