“The podcast has already had 500,000 downloads,” whispered my friend, Gina Butler, when I saw her at our Bethesda Alliance meeting last Friday. On the podcast, Grace English and I talk about abortion together. Not a conversation for wimps. But apparently, listening to a real conversation about abortion comforts hearts. We hope so.
Grace just released her first podcast, Get Real to Heal, last week. I hadn’t even written this blog yet. How could the number of downloads explode like that? See for yourself….
In this episode, we’re just two friends having a tender conversation about a subject that is very painful. No matter your perspective, I believe there will be something in our talk about abortion to resonate in your heart.
“The power of the secret is broken when it’s spoken.” ~Grace English
Talk about Abortion with Healing and Laughter
Fortunately, Grace and I are both so far down the road of healing that we even laugh as we talk about abortion. Laughter is always a sign of healing in my life.
Grace has a way of bringing out laughter in me. And healing. And joy. She’s a serious, smart person with a subtle, but hilarious sense of humor.
In our conversation I talk my abortion; my personal experience. I don’t hold back but simply tell the truth.
Additionally, I touch briefly on the long term emotional effects of swallowing the morning after pill. And I ask Dr. Grace a few questions about that.
Abortion has never been political for me—or millions of other women and men like me—it’s always been personal.
Sacred Stories
In this podcast, Grace and I talk about how the most painful experiences of our lives can become sacred stories when we turn them over to God. They become a treasure we can share with others, honoring the beautiful forgiveness available through Jesus Christ.
We share a quick list of the people we know who have been affected by abortion. These are not anonymous people to me or Grace; they are real people with faces we know and love. Their stories are sacred and confidential.
Just some of the sacred stories we’ve heard as we talk about abortion —
- The young girls, 14, 15, 16, who are doubly wounded because the young man they thought they were in love with pressured them to have sex and then their mom or parents pressured them to abort.
- The friend who almost bled out from an illegal abortion.
- The women who’ve taken the “Day After Pill” only to regret it the rest of their lives, sometimes not even knowing if they were actually pregnant. In other words, they grieve for a baby that might not actually have existed. But their heart is exposed.
- Sisters who were infertile and found out their sister aborted a child.
- Grandmothers who regret taking daughters to the clinic, realizing later the baby was their grandchild.
- Dads. Oh, the dads who grieve and need to experience forgiveness!
The Lies
Something I’ve never shared before are the lies I believed about my unplanned pregnancy. So, I made a list and brought it with me to our interview. Grace shares her list every time she speaks, but I’d never written one down for myself until now.
My list of lies might surprise you. It surprised me. I hope you will listen in if you care about this topic at all.
How I Found Healing
I share more details about my abortion in Grace’s interview, but in today’s blog I want to focus on getting help. Here’s how I got help.
I was holding my newborn infant, but I was broken-hearted over my past abortion. Seeing her tiny hands struck a chord deep in my soul about what I lost. It was just pain beyond description. I knew I needed help to fully parent this beloved child.
So I found a counselor and she walked me through the process of grieving and acknowledging how much I hurt I felt because of the choice I made to end an unplanned pregnancy.
I went to a Bible Study much like the ones CARE now offers.
As I began to share my story about my abortion, I fully expected to be rejected. Even now, I continue to be astonished at how loving and forgiving people are, never condemning or rejecting.
Slowly I told others. First, my husband David. Then a few trustworthy friends, then my parents. Eventually, I told my children as I began to speak about abortion in public.
Of course, there is a lot of hateful rhetoric around this topic, but it’s always from people who don’t know my story or don’t know me. Interesting how easy it can be for humans to be hateful toward people we don’t know. Or how kind and empathetic we are when it turns our dear friend has had an abortion.
What did God do when I invited Him into my pain/brokenness?
One comforting friend told me I would know more about forgiveness than people who never learn to forgive themselves. I guess that might be true.
As Christians, we can’t fail to notice how judgmental and condemning we can be sometimes. One thing I know now: “All condemnation of others is rooted in self-condemnation.” I say this often.
Those words help me remember to be gentle.
If we identify self-condemnation, maybe we can claim freedom. If we can recognize our own woundedness, maybe we can quit condemning others. And offer them freedom.
Condemnation does not draw people to Christ. I sure noticed the difference at the Texas State Republican Convention back in the Spring.
Talk about Abortion? Pro-life, Pro-choice, Pro-healing?
I know we must talk about women’s reproductive rights as a nation. I get it.
But when we share our own sacred stories about abortion, I think it helps people understand to be more gentle.
But, I really hope we don’t fall for the lie that somehow abortion is desirable for women. Certainly, we can all agree, abortion is not doing women in any favors. Abortion hurts the child obviously, but abortion is toxic for the mother, too. Beyond the mother, abortion tears up families. Abortion is painful for communities. It’s a very difficult recovery.
I hope you will listen in to our conversation and I pray it gives you a gentler perspective.
How did God change you?
In this episode, I also shared for the first time (I think) how I got swept into telling my story publicly. Hint: I’m totally blaming Grace!
It takes courage to speak about abortion in a gentle way; especially in public. Not everyone is called to do so.
Because I stepped into my fear and started sharing my sacred stories in public, God has blessed me.
Over the years, so many women shared their sacred stories with me privately, saying, “You’re the only person I’ve ever told.”
“Isolation is where Satan takes you before he goes for the kill.” ~Sandy Bristow
If you have a painful story and you need healing, please don’t stay isolated. I want you to find a trustworthy friend. You can certainly contact Grace or me.
We do this because we love you. That’s the only reason.
My best moments often happen after I give a talk. Or people read my books. When they tell me privately how much the ideas helped them have better conversations.
Today’s episode of Getting Real to Heal is such a sweet conversation with my beloved friend.
You can find more on Grace’s YouTube channel where she keeps sacred stories of the many amazing speakers who have showed up for Deep in the Heart Conferences.
I hope you will listen in and share today’s podcast with your friends.
May God bless you and use you to His glory!
🙂
Cathy
May we pray together?
Dear good Father, You bless us in the most unexpected ways. We look to You with so much shame we can barely raise our heads. Yet, without fail, You forgive us as we confess our sin and helplessness to You. You empower us, through Your beautiful Spirit, to forgive ourselves and others. We learn to offer the same comfort You Yourself give us. We love others because You love us–and them. All we have left to do is praise You with joy! You are good, dear God! We love You! Bless us now because that is Your heart’s desire. We bless Your name! We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.
We LOVE to Hear From YOU!
What prevents you from forgiving yourself? How are you teaching your children to love themselves in a healthy way? Would you be interested in getting resources to small churches? If so, keep reading.
Personal Prayer Request:
I am considering offering subscriptions of only a small monthly amount for those who want to underwrite what we do here. You know, maybe $2, $5, or $10 a month.
We’re still committed to offering free blogs and podcasts. And giving away as many books as we can. Nothing will change except Dave and I will get some encouragement and financial backing.
BUT UGH! Figuring out how to set up monthly subscriptions and a QR code is taxing my last brain cell! If you know anyone who can help me figure out the tech piece, please contact me!
And here’s a shout out to one of my favorite (and wise) fiction writers. Catherine Brakefield for suggesting this plan. (Love you, dear Catherine!)
Resources for Small Churches
If I can serve you or your church in any way, I hope you will let me. Contact me, if you want to know more about:
- how to sponsor resources for small churches to grow in better communication, or
- how to cultivate better communication in your church.
Thank you for sharing my books with your friends. The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations. or Marriage Conversations: From Coexisting to Cherished. To join the Fireside Tribe and receive our FREE weekly interviews, blogs, and podcasts, hit the yellow button below.
If you love the books and want to get them for your Bible Study or Sunday school or, heck, any group, just let me know. My publishers allow us to offer group discounts.
Click here to find our books: Marriage Conversations: from co-existing to cherished, The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations
More Favorite Quotes from Grace and Anna:
“I have patients in their twenties all the way to their sixties who’ve shared that they have had abortions. It’s common ground. (My office) is a safe place for them to discuss it with me because I can identify with their loss.” ~Dr. Grace English, from Compassion, Please! After Abortion Healing with Dr. Grace English.
“Unfortunately, abortion is equated with politics in this country, but it is so much more than that. This is beyond political lines. This is so personal. People don’t understand that this decision will determine the quality of their life, really for the rest of their life.” ~Dr. Grace English, from Compassion, Please! After Abortion Healing with Dr. Grace English.
“Because we are all made in His image, each person reflects part of the image of God.” ~Anna Krafve Pierce, from the podcast on Teaching Kids Humility: Bug and Flower Collecting.
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Cathy Krafve, host of Fireside Talk Radio and author of The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations and Marriage Conversation: From Coexisting to Cherished. Your stories, ideas, and questions welcomed here!
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