What are the top 3 things your wife wishes you knew? In case you want to ask her, here’s a place to start.
#1 Listen to the people you love.
#2 Remember marriage and family are about redemption.
#3 Cherish your people today because we might not get tomorrow.
So, let’s take three stories and unwrap them like a surprise Valentine’s Day gift.
#1 Thing Your Wife Wishes You Knew: Listen, Please.
Your wife wants you to listen. I bet she keeps repeating and all you hear is, blah, blah, blah. Okay, maybe that’s just my house.
Of course, I have my own little quirks. For instance, years ago our counselor told me David could not read my mind. But I keep practicing telepathy just to double check. Obviously, I’m an optimist.
This past week, I conducted an experiment to verify my data. I was too tired to put away all the groceries, so I just stacked a pyramid of paper towels in the pantry. Hard to miss. On a stool right below where they are stored on a high shelf.
For several days, every time Dave walked by the pantry, I telepathed silently. David, put away the paper towels.
Paper Towel Pyramid
After a week, I added 6 more. Now the paper towel pyramid was taller than me. To be fair, creative projects tend to pile up in odd ways around our house randomly.
Imagine my surprise when David popped out of the pantry with a question.
“Do you want me to do something with these paper towels?”
I always knew that man had superpowers he wasn’t utilizing! Not only does he telepathy, but he’s learned the art of asking a great question.
(I wrote a whole chapter on how to change an argument back into a conversation with a good question. If you can’t understand why you and your wife argue so much, please read Chapter 15.)
#2 Thing Your Wife Wishes You Knew: Marriage is About Redemption.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” ~Colossians 3:16-17
Since we all know women who are bitter, I kept asking God why just the husband was given this command. Finally, He showed me bitterness is a headship issue. That’s why we see successful single moms put aside bitterness and choose gratitude. Consequently, their kids really flourish.
If a single mom can make the choice to put aside bitterness as the head of her home, you sure can go home tonight and choose to thank your wife. Want a sweet Valentine’s Day surprise for your wife? Go home and redeem your wife’s heart by thanking her. What do I mean by redeeming her? Keep reading.
Redeemed from Bitterness
If you don’t think marriage is about redemption, just think about your in-laws. Don’t they REALLY need you in their family? Yes, whether they know it or not. Bringing together families in marriage is one way God reorders the universe every generation.
Really, I think redemption is the whole point of every marriage. After all, every marriage starts with two sinners.
I really love this next story because my neighbor shared it with so much joy rather than bitterness. Her hubby redeemed her from her pain and potential bitterness.
Years ago, my neighbor’s hubby noticed she was grieving and he asked her why.
Why are you so sad?
The answer seemed beyond his power to fix. She was sad because her 50th anniversary was approaching with her ex-husband.
She realized they would never live long enough to celebrate 50 years themselves even though they were already well over 30 years.
Her hubby, being a brilliant engineer, responded with pure genius. He started a new conversational adventure with a great question or two.
Could I celebrate your 50th anniversary with you? Could we just celebrate now instead of waiting?
When the day came, he dazzled her with all the romance a woman could imagine. Roses, a fancy dinner, candles, champagne, chocolate. He even wrote an original poem for the occasion.
She lit up with joy when she told me about it later.
(I wrote more about initiating, redeeming love in Chapter 8, but I closed the book with Herb and Margaret’s story in the epilogue.)
#3 Thing Your Wife Wishes You Knew: Cherish Me Now
In their retirement years, Bobbie and Ken Dance, spent most days together, often surrounded by friends. Our community is a brighter, better place for all the ways they brought people together around exceptional causes. Causes like Bethesda for excellent health care and TJC for college education.
Ken passed away a few months ago and we’re still grieving.
Perhaps you don’t know the story of how Ken spent his last evening night on earth alone with the girl he loved since high school.
“February 13th would be our 62nd anniversary.” says Bobbie.
It was a Sunday night. Ken was so weak, he spent most of the day napping. His oxygen tank was noisy, so when the kids stopped by that afternoon, Ken had them move him into the spare bedroom. She wasn’t real happy about that, by the way. But he was afraid Bobbie wasn’t getting enough sleep.
“Kenny, was a sports nut,” Bobbie reports. Usually on Sunday evenings, Ken watched sports on one television and she watched game shows in another room.
On this night, he called her into his new room.
“Hey, would you like to have a date tonight?” He asked her.
“He had such a peaceful, happy look on his face,” she reports. “There was just a bright light about him.”
“I’m just going to forget about the ballgame,” he told her. “I’m gonna watch your game shows with you tonight.”
Game Night
He had not been eating, but he let Bobbie make him something nutritious and special. He took a few bites. When her shows came on, he was rocking the answers before the contestants.
“He was answering all the questions; the hard questions. So his brain really kicked in. He was having so much fun doing it.” she says tenderly. His mental activity surprised and tickled her because his mental health had become more fragile recently.
Finally after a an hour or so, he stood to move carefully back to his bed.
“Bobbie, I can’t keep my eyes open any longer,” he said.
As he walked behind their couch, he leaned over and kissed her very tenderly on the top of her head. So, she got up and followed him into the bedroom.
He was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking very content.
“I just went over and kissed him full on the lips,” reports Bobbie. Adding, this is where her grandchildren howl with laughter.
His eyes lit up.
“Wow! That was something!”
Then, he laid down and went to sleep.
One Last Shout Out
Ken was restless in the middle of the night and Bobbie checked on him. He was concerned about her getting enough rest, so he shooed her out of the room. But she hid behind the door and listened to be sure Ken would settle down. Thinking she was in the other room, he hollered at her, “at the top of his lungs.”
“I love you more than anything in the whole wide world.”
“I never dreamed those would be the last words he said to me,” she says.
He settled down and she went back to bed.
The next morning, she went to check on him. All his oxygen stuff was neatly folded in the floor.
He was seated, fully dressed, with his head folded forward as if in prayer. When she began to massage his back, he was still warm. She reached under his chin, but could not get a response.
Her son-in-law and daughter arrived. They called an ambulance. But it was too late.
Head Bowed
Sometime in the night between their last kiss and the morning, Ken made his entrance into heaven. Without fuss or fanfare. Just a gentle kiss goodby. And a shout of affection. With his head bowed.
But I ask you, what could be better than the story of the perfect close on a lifelong love affair? Their children and grandchildren will be telling this story and inspiring future generations long after Bobbie and Ken are reunited in heaven some day.
For us, here’s the clincher. We don’t know which day will be the last. We need to cherish each other now. That means we have to live today like it’s the last. Because it might be.
Most Importantly, One Truth
For Dave and I living in this moment tenderly has been the best lesson we’ve learned about marriage. Our family backgrounds and assumptions get in the way, of course. Certainly, we all bring baggage into our marriage, we think.
But what if one truth was so surprising you could easily keep forgetting it?
Probably the hardest lesson I keep relearning in my own marriage is Jesus unpacked my bags at Calvary. Yep, my bags, my hubby’s bags, any Christian’s bags are empty. No more baggage.
Instead of baggage, now Dave and I travel with empty bags and lots of stories. Stories that can honor God if we let them.
We collect stories that remind us to live like there’s no tomorrow.
So as you work this week, work to give God the glory. Then, when you go home, leave your empty bags at the door. Instead, 1) listen to the people you love, 2) remember marriage and family are about redemption, 3) cherish your people today because we might not get tomorrow.
Special Shout Out
Here’s a special shout out to some of my favorite men (and women) on the planet: Oilfield Christian Fellowship. Thank you for inspiring me to think hard about how we can encourage each other. And thank you for all the testimonies shared humbly over the years. I am grateful for you!
Join Today!
May we pray together?
Dear good Father, all around us are good men. Working hard each day to provide for and protect their families. They get so little credit in today’s world. Open our eyes and hearts so we see them going about Your business. Give them Your power to redeem their marriages and families each day. Teach them to be the fine leaders You designed them to be today. Give them wisdom, dear good Father.
We LOVE to hear from YOU!
How will you celebrate Valentine’s Day? When has bitterness tried to overwhelm you? How has redeeming love benefited your family?
🙂
Cathy
Upcoming February Events
February 11, Friday night (tonight)
Realign and Dine with Chris Legg. Finding new connectivity in marriage, understanding your spouse, and enriching intimacy in your relationship.
Friday, Feb 18, 2022 7:00 PM – Saturday, Feb 19, 2022 1:00 PM CST
Deep in the Heart Women’s Conference. Real Women. Real Stories. Real Jesus. Palestine, Texas. Southside Baptist Church. I will be there. I hope to see YOU! We are going to have a blast! ❤️
Fri, Feb 25, 7:00 PM
Single Parent Conference. South Spring Baptist Church • Tyler, TX. Starts at $30.00
Favorite Quotes
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~Albert Einstein
“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.” ~Psalm 118:24
Cathy Krafve, host of Fireside Talk Radio and author of The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations and Marriage Conversation: From Coexisting to Cherished. We welcome your stories, ideas, and questions at CathyKrafve.com.
❤️Truth with a Texas Twang! ❤️
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