Patient grace wins. Whether it’s healthy shame or false shame, patient grace always boots out shame. If you missed the rest of this series, we’ve been building to grace.
Some people may react, “There’s no such thing as healthy shame, Cathy!”
Well, I think healthy shame exists because God doesn’t make mistakes. All our emotions are designed with the purpose of drawing us to Him ultimately. And to each other. That’s pretty healthy.
Still don’t agree? Check out my hypothesis in favor of healthy shame, starting here.
But we certainly agree if you think God does not intend for us to live in shame. No way. So how does God release us from shame? He starts with patient grace.
atient grace is love in soft slippers.
Patient Grace over Shame: Love in Soft Slippers
My sweet mom had tiny feet. For Christmas one year, we bought her a pair of moccasins, lined in soft sheep fur. We thought she would wear them at home, like bedroom slippers. But she liked warm toes, so instead, she wore them everywhere. She collected them in all colors for every outfit.
Like Mom’s slippers, when we put on patient grace, we wrap our love around the other person in cozy comfort. Grace is love in soft, warm slippers. Grace starts with patience.
Patient grace is the perfect expression of love that does not reject; it accepts with the long haul in mind. To live out the grace God offers us, we must learn patience. Yuck! Nobody likes to be patient.
We want what we want and we want it NOW. Surely, that’s why my grandparents told me, “You have to practice patience, dear.”
Patient Grace: Waiting for God’s Mercy
However, God demonstrates perfect patient grace. We read about His patient grace in verses like this:
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” ~Romans 5:8 NKJV
Or this:
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.” ~I John 4:18-19 NKJV
God reaches out to us in love and waits for us to respond in loving recognition, like a child who recognizes a tender and beloved parent.
Yes, we’re sinners. We’ve messed up. But His patient grace-filled love wraps around us like warm slippers in an icy cold world. Grace is what God offers us while He waits for us to recognize our need for mercy. Patiently.
Grace is what we offer others as we wait (patiently) for them to recognize their need for God’s mercy. Patience is powerful.
Impatience is Powerful, too
In contrast, impatience conveys disdain and disrespect. Impatience undermines our children’s identity. Subjecting others to habitual impatience and disdain erodes their self-worth. Shame and feelings of unworthiness are closely related. No wonder folks have so much identity confusion these days; we’re living in a very impatient world.
To be believers who influence our community for Christ we must put away impatience. This is crucial in churches who want to reach out to their communities.
Important things to know about patience:
- Patience builds security and value in the hearts of those we love.
- The eight-letter word for love is patience.
- Patience qualifies us to love as Jesus loved the woman at the well and made her influential in her community.
Patience qualifies us for influence. Sadly, impatience disqualifies us.
Impatience Disqualifies Us
Ironically, impatience will disqualify a Christian’s influence almost immediately. I really hate it when I feel impatience rearing it’s ugly head in my heart. Ick!
We simply get tired of waiting and try to rush the process. If nothing disqualifies us quicker than impatience, how do we know when it’s grabbed us? Here’s a few observations about impatience, ahem, from personal experience. Ouch!
- Impatience is often about control or wanting our own way. Now.
- We are often impatient with ourselves, too.
- Impatience is a kind of temptation. We can learn to resist impatience in our own heart.
- It can sound self-righteous and condemning.
- Or impatience can also sound nit-picking.
How can we win others to Christ if we’re nit-picking? When we get legalistic or condemning or petty–in church especially–unbelievers think we sound legalistic. To unbelievers, legalism sounds like a big deal out of nothing. Not wise at all.
Kissing Shame Goodbye with Patient Grace
Great news, though. Once shame has accomplished it’s purpose of drawing us to God, we can kiss it goodby.
To escape the trap of false shame, we simply let healthy shame lead us to our good Father. Once we spend some time with Him, we begin to recognize the difference between false shame and healthy shame.
We can learn to treat ourselves and others to patient grace-filled love. Why not? God is already at work forgiving us and teaching us to love the person He made us to be. He’s already wrapped us in His warm patient grace.
Plus, fabulous bonus, we begin to extend the same kind of patient grace to others. How? We keep loving them as we wait for them to realize they need God’s mercy, just like the rest of us.
Shame feels lousy. That lousy feeling makes us search for help. Shame draws us to God because He is the only One who can truly free us from shame. We seek Him, find Him and turn to Him for help. Through Jesus’ death on the cross for our sins and His resurrection, He gives us forgiveness and redemption.
And freedom from shame.
Thus, having accomplishes its God-given purpose, then we can kiss shame goodbye.
Fiercely Eternal, Gently Present
This begs a bigger question: how do we live in grace in our families and churches? First, we can give up nit-picking and self-righteousness. Find more on how all condemnation is rooted in self-condemnation, here.
Additionally, when folks get messy, we don’t need to defend ourselves. Why not? Because God is our Defender.
Besides, we have bigger fish to fry.
In Texas we say we have bigger fish to fry when we want to stay focused on the most important thing without distraction.
What if we could get to the place where we know God so well, we simply focused on the things that matter to Him most.
We could learn to be fiercely eternal, yet gently present. We could be serious about protecting, yet gentle and warm. Like Mom’s warm slippers.
We could choose to be kids who want to be just like our good Dad, the God we know and trust; living as much like Him as humanly possible in a very humble beautiful way.
Then, we could be wholeheartedly about the Master’s business. We have bigger fish to fry!
I want to be a fishers of men. We could focus on leading hurting people to Him. I bet you do, too!
Next time, we’ll look at how the 4 P’s–Pause, Ponder, Pray, and Proceed can help us be fiercely eternal, yet gently present. They are s simple tool for claiming grace in our lives and giving shame the boot.
I am grateful for you. Knowing you are out there — fiercely eternal — making a grace-filled difference in our chaotic world, makes me very happy. We are not alone!
🙂
Cathy
Let’s Pray Together
Dear Good Father, You extend warm, patient compassionate love to us. You sought us out to love us when we were yet sinners. We’ve really messed up along the way. You prod us with our own preprogramed feelings of shame. Until we finally turn to You for mercy and help. Your Son walked this earth; He knew what it meant to suffer. He made a sacrifice so supreme, it covered all our sins, if we but accept the forgiveness He paid for. Turn our hearts to You, dear good Father. Bless us now because that is Your heart’s desire. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Questions for Further Discussion
When have you experienced victory because you refused to hate someone, but chose grace for them instead? How has God shown you His warm patient love when you most needed it? If you could have one prayer answered “yes” today, what would it be
In Case You missed it — Big Points from the Shame Reboot
- Shame is designed by God to divide us from idols and draw us back to Himself.
- We can notice the symptoms of shame easily once we know what they are.
- There is false shame and healthy shame.
- We can defeat negative self talk with confidence.
- Confidence comes from knowing what is true and doing what is hard.
- We can unmask false shame and see the idolatry behind it.
- Our connections at church can be free of false shame.
- Grace is what God gives us while He waits for us to realize we need His mercy.
- Addictions give us a clue about what we are really seeking.
- All condemnation of others is rooted in self-condemnation.
What’s Next? Lots of Prayer
We are almost finished with this series. Phew! What a spiritual battle the Shame Reboot represents.
Thank you so much for tuning in! Now please pray for me. You know I am always looking for ways to get good ideas out there to touch hearts in our chaotic culture. I would really like to see this series turned into a book or small group Bible study. Maybe even some videos for use in small churches.
If your church needs resources, please contact me. I will find a way to help you.
FREE Resources for Small Churches
If I can serve you, your business, or your church in any way, I hope you will let me. Contact me, if you want to know more about:
- how to sponsor resources for small churches to grow in better communication, or
- how to cultivate better communication in your business or church.
Thank you for sharing my books with your friends. The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations. or Marriage Conversations: From Coexisting to Cherished. To join the Fireside Tribe and get our FREE interviews, blogs, and podcasts, hit the yellow button below.
If you love the books and want to get them for your Bible Study or Sunday school or, heck, any group, just let me know. My publishers offer group discounts.
Click here to find our books: Marriage Conversations: from co-existing to cherished, The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations
❤️ You’re Invited to Join the Fireside Tribe ❤️
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Cathy Krafve, host of Fireside Talk Radio and author of The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations and Marriage Conversation: From Coexisting to Cherished. Your stories, ideas, and questions welcomed here!
Recent Comments