Dave and I are traveling (read: in a truck cab for extended hours together). On a Book Tour! Yep, it seemed like a great time to post some cool stuff about strong marriages I got from my new friend, Scott Kedersha.

Tips for encouraging your spouse? Well, I probably need them right about now. What about you?

With so much negativity free-floating in our culture today, how do we create strong marriages and healthy communities? How do we find the strength to encourage on another?

Heck, how do we ask to stop at another Buc-ees every few miles? 😂😂

Fortunately, we don’t have to grow strong marriages alone.

“Good marriages ripple out to church and community,” says Scott Kedersha.

With joy, I receive Scott’s ideas about living together as forgiven people. Think of the impact! (Read more about Re/Engage where couples come alongside other couples and help each other.)

Of course, I asked him for some tips to create strong marriages.

In case you missed his story and his wisdom, here they are. These two episodes are blowing up on the internet with downloads already! Please don’t miss what this guy has to say. He shared so authentically, I created THREE blogs out of our two interviews. Something I NEVER do. But just for you….

Scott’s Tips for Encouraging Your Spouse

In the sweetest response to my questions, Scott pointed to Kristen as a champion example of encouragement. (Find much more in his book.)

#1 Remind them of what is right and true. 

“If your husband is a follower of Jesus Christ, he is not defined by his sin. He is defined by Jesus,” says Scott. “So reminding him of what is right and true there.”

If he’s a follower of Jesus Christ, he’s a new creation. Plus, he has a new heart. But that doesn’t mean he’s going to stop sinning or stop struggling, according to Scott. Still, he’s defined not by sin, but by Jesus. (If your spouse is not a believer, find more about why an analytical, doubtful, cynical person like me became a Christian.)

#2 Nagging won’t change him.

For practical help, Scott begins with 1 Peter 3:1-2: “Win over your husband not by your words, but by your Christ-like conduct.” 

“So the way you can help soften that heart is to be like Christ. I’m not just picking on the women. I would say the same thing to the guys,” says Scott. “If you are a Christian guy married to a woman who’s struggling, or who’s not a believer, you’re gonna win them over not by nagging them, but by your conduct.”

Since keeping our mouths closed is, ahem, harder for some of us, Scott offers some motivation.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble,” he adds, from James 4:6 and I Peter 5:5.  

#3 Be humble. 

“I don’t want God working against me,” Scott explains, with a chuckle, “I want to work with Him.” 

Obviously, my own hard heart I can deal with. It’s not easy, but I’m in charge of my heart and I can take myself before God who loves me. But it’s not that easy when you notice your spouse’s hard is frozen over or too hot to touch.

So, I specifically asked about when our spouse’s heart gets hard.

“As you seek to love your husband if he’s got a hard heart, win him over by your conduct. By praying for him, by reminding him of truth’” he begins. Then, he emphasizes a community of trustworthy, committed couples. Close friends.

“By bringing others in, so you’re not alone,” he adds. “You’re bringing community in alongside of you to help you. Realize you’ve got your own stuff as well. It’s hard to hear often.” Find more about community from Scott’s colleague and friend, Re-engage Director Susan Cox.

#4  Be an expert at forgiveness.

“I’m so grateful for the way Kristen models that (forgiveness),” Scott says, “and I try to do the same for her. And we try to do that for our kids.”

As Christ-followers of Christ we ought to be different than the rest of the world, according to Scott. How will the world get to know Christ unless we do things differently than the way the rest of the world does life?

“We all should be experts at forgiveness. We have to ask it and we have to grant it,” he points out. 

Apologies Unlock the Power of Forgiveness

Maybe you are like my friend who never heard his dad ask for forgiveness. When the dad finally apologized, it was a bogus apology. The dad said something that sounded kinda spiritual but really wasn’t humble.

Of course, it breaks our hearts to imagine a child never learning how to humbly apologize. Maybe you live with a spouse who never heard a real apology

It’s never too late to learn. My dad as a recovering alcoholic. He apologized sincerely along the way. He learned to be like Jesus when it came to humility. And it transformed our family.

All Marriages Need a Little Transforming Along the Way

Of course, all marriages hit potholes along the way. All hearts need a little transformation. (Find more on Jesus’s power to transform hearts.)

When a woman’s marriage unravels, we get really scared, hurt, and angry. Basically, distressed.  Often husbands interpret distress as, My wife is crazy.

If you’re a guy and you’re wondering why your wife seems crazy, it may be she’s giving you feedback. Perhaps, she’s intensely distressed because your marriage is in crisis.

A hard heart is the reason marriages go haywire. If you can find some guy friends to help you soften your heart, it may not be too late to transform your marriage.

“We’re all so prideful. We don’t want to let others in. Take that step as a married couple to find other marriages to help grow one another,” Scott says. “If we don’t we’re missing out on one of God’s greatest provisions.”

Strong Marriages, Healthy Communities

Newly married? Remarried? Married for fifty years or more? Anything in between? Scott has a message for you.

“Do not do life alone. Get some people around you who can help love you and become like Christ. And you get to help them as well. If we don’t we’re missing out on one of the greatest gifts God has given us.”

I’m so thankful for all that Scott shared! 

May we pray together?

Dear good Father, our families, our communities, our culture need a bunch of help. The kind of good help only You can give. We turn to You now, asking for Your inspiration. Give us wisdom and endurance as we seek to build healthy, wholesome, strong marriages. Help us inspire our own families to love You more and show it by loving others. Thank you for so many people who share authentically about what it takes to build a marriage we want to come home to. Keep patiently teaching us how to love You better. Bless us now because that’s Your heart’s desire. In Jesus’ mighty name we pray. Amen.

We LOVE to hear from YOU!

How has God prompted you to step out of your comfort zone and love your spouse anyway? What’s your favorite thing about your own church? What fun ways do you and your spouse encourage each other?

YOU are NOT Alone!

I am so happy to pass along great resources for strengthening marriages.

I wanted to add one practical suggestion, based on all the years Scott has contributed to an effective way to create community in your church, a strategy called Re/Engage. (Find Re/Engage Director Susan Cox’s story.)

Why not bring Re/Engage to your church? By doing so, change your own life and the lives of everybody around you. 

Finally, if I can serve you in any other way, just let me know.

🙂

Cathy

Book Tour

Now some might think I only write books as an excuse to visit book stores. I cannot confirm or deny.

❤️Dave and I will be in Lubbock, Amarillo, Dalhart, Pueblo, Colorado Springs, and Avon in the coming days. Please watch for flyers at your favorite book stores. We’d LOVE to see YOU!

And let us know if you want a special pop-in visit from us for your own favorite book club, Sunday school class, church, or book store!

(Thankfully, our kids don’t mind sharing the housesitting duties while we’re gone–a big thanks to them!)

Your Own Upcoming Adventures

Conversational Adventures

Are you dreaming of your own conversational adventures? Could the right conversation change everything in your life? How can we take a deep breath and step into our fear of rejection?

At Camp Krafve, we’re creating tools to help you pass along bold, noble ideas.

You can Help!

People are telling us they love our books. We’re so happy they are helping. Please consider buying two. One to bless yourself and one to bless someone else! ❤️

Then, help us by writing a review. And THANK YOU!!!!

For Marriage Conversations: https://Amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=1936501562

For The Well:  https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B08M4G1Q6Z

Cathy Krafve, speaker, host of Fireside Talk Radio, and author of The Well: The Art of Drawing Out Authentic Conversations and Marriage Conversation: From Coexisting to Cherished. We invite you to join the Fireside Tribe. Truth with a Texas Twang